Time Crimes review...

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Time Crimes review...

Postby The Kingpin » Thu May 13, 2010 12:26 am

....I honestly don't know where to begin. That was the single WORST movie I've ever seen, and I've seen things so awful it leaves you trying to gouge your eyes out in hopes you could 'un-see' it. Let's take the title as a start, and work our way down: Time Crimes. If you think this involves people going back in time to solve crimes, as would be the logical assumption, please look elsewhere. Minority Report, perhaps. Your assumption couldn't possibly any more wrong. Let's take the statistics: The Cast: 4 actors. That's it. ONLY 4. Ignore the extra 2. There are 3 of them played by the same guy, and are the same person in the story. They couldn't even afford to bring in anyone to act as random bystanders. Furthermore, one of the actors got so little screen time she barely had time to water plants and sit in a garden chair. So that takes the effective number of actors down to 3. Next: The Music. Apart from ONE little known 80's song and a bit of violin and bass drum abuse, I can't think of any other notable music in the movie. The makup was terrible. The star started off looking like the stereotypical beer bellied, big nosed TV watcher I'm sure you've all invisioned watching a football game at some point in your lives [or, if you've played Neighbours from Hell, The Neighbour, with a bigger nose], and ended up looking like the same thing, but with a skull knocked so badly out of proportion he'd make Frankenstein look applicable as a male model.

Then you have the Time Machine. The reason the movie happened in the first place. Personally, I'd like to quote my dad who said, very fittingly 'It looks like some Industrial-scale Pressure Cooker'. Fill it with milk, toss our big nosed hero in there and you have the movie. All that's left is a series of backwards filming and it's done. on a final note, roughly 90% of the audience watching this movie were left utterly confused and unable to comprehend simple issues afterwards. As a result, I am given reason to believe this movie may possibly cause brain damage, so beware. If you want it [though i can't imagine why, unless you're setting up your own personal torture chamber], contact me and i'll give it to you for free aside from shipping costs.
Last edited by The Kingpin on Thu Jul 08, 2010 11:52 am, edited 1 time in total.
"Ah yes, organised chaos. the sign of a clever but ever-busy mind. To the perpetrator, a carefully woven web of belongings and intrigue, but to the bystander? Madness!"
–William Beckett, Lore of Leyuna RPG

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Postby Godzilla Forever » Thu May 13, 2010 2:29 am

Wow.... that's uh...... I don't even know what to say about that.......
"If none can know what lies ahead, then losing one's way is just human nature."~ Yoshimitsu

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