Shadows of the Abyss

Have you got a game, book or movie you'd like to make a story out of? Want to expand on a story or plot that stopped? Have an original idea for a story that you want to post somewhere? Here's where to do it. Basically an RPG where one player controls ALL characters in the story.

Shadows of the Abyss

Postby Godzilla Forever » Mon May 31, 2010 2:53 am

This is going to be my story (after many failed ideas). Hope you enjoy it!!!

Prologue:
The days were long, the nights even longer. No one dared go out into the wilds of Haudspes; much danger lived in the woods in the form of spectres, evil beings who would force mortals to join their cause. To the east, there was even greater danger, for one risked an encounter with Craefr's minions, who blackened the earth they stand upon. To the north, while less dangerous, one risked angering the Enforcers, powerful beings who believed in righteousness and were often unopen to visitors of those of mortal descent....

This is the world where a young man named Raphael was raised in. There was no hope or thought of fighting. The demons were simply too powerful, and the enforcers refused to help his kind. He was often rejected by other humans for having a strange marking by his right eye. This marking looked like a large claw or horn, with little spikes jutting off of it. His mother told him it was simply a birthmark that could not be removed. Raphael, however, had always been trying to find the answer to his enigma. This is how he and all around him would be drawn into........

THE SHADOWS OF THE ABYSS......

Chapter 1: The adventure begins
It all began when, one day, Raphael studied his mark closely. "What can it mean?" The young lad asked, "Does it mean I am destined for something great?" His mother chimes in as he speaks into the water, using it like a mirror. "I've told you, Raph, it's just a birth mark. I don't know what it is or where it came from." Raphael whirls back towards his mother. "But what if it DOES mean something?" The young lad inquires. "What if it is some kind of prophecy given to me for some reason?"

"Oh, Raph." His mother walks over to him and pats him on the back. "You have become a dashing young man. You've got everything I can possibly hope for you- you're strong, handsome, smart, and you know respect. However, you can't go around with that mark on your head and treat it like all this supnatural mumbo-jumbo. You've just got to live like a normal person and forget about those angels and demons and ghosts. You hear me, boy?"

"Yes, mother," Raphael sighs out. His mother smiles before heading off towards the field for work. "Why is it that I can't ever be right? How come I'm always wrong?" Raphael says to himself, "I just want to know what this mark is." Suddenly, an idea strikes raphael. "Oh course!" He exclaims, "The elder! He'll know what it is....." Raphael marches happily towards the elder's tent. "Oh, why didn't I think of it before? Oh, happy day!" Raphael reaches the elder's tent and waits outside for the person within to exit.........

Suddenly, there is a loud crash. The villagers look up, before they see a large flaming object heading their way. "What is that?" A woman asks. "It looks like a dragon," a boy says. "No," a man yells, "It is even worse! It is a fire demon!" The sentry rings the bells of the town, the villagers crambling for their tents and houses as the fiery demon approaches.

All Raphael remembers is pure chaos. Villagers were scrambling for their homes, people trying to get their children, pets and beasts of labor and burden into their houses to prevent the demon from finding them. However, the demon sees the small dwellings before an evil smiles stretches across its face. "Hmmm........... I think it is time to HEAT things up a bit!" The demon laughs maliciously before breathing a column of flame down upon the village, many houses being set on fire by the demon. The demon lands, its body resembling a balrog, only smaller and heavily armored on his chest, neck, and forearms. A few brave men charge the fiery demon, only for him to swat them away with his arms. "None can defeat the power of Blaze, lord of Flames!!!" A man tosses a pitchfork at Blaze, but the demon is prepared. He extends his arm blades and hacks the fork in half before slicing the man in two, his body flaming. Suddenly, Raphael feels a surge of anger towards the demon. He pick up a reaper, and, with a battle cry, charges the fiery demon. Suddenly, the demon whirls around and whacks Raphael with his arm, sending the young boy flying into a building, the boy blacking out..........

Chapter 2: Tragedy
Black was all that Raphael could see. A loud ringing was in his ears, the impact with the demon’s limb having taken quite a toll on him. The smell of smoke fills his nose and head. “I smell fire,” Raphael says in his head, “Something doesn’t seem right.” Raphael, mustering up all the strength in his body, from head to feet, opens his eyes. He looks around a bit, but feels too weak to move his limbs. Raphael is petrified with horror at what he sees. Homes burnt to blackened crisps, ashes floating in the breeze, corpses piled up like firewood. The horribly burnt bodies of men, women, and children litter the area, along with beasts of burden and various other unfortunates to be caught in the demon’s path of destruction. Suddenly, Raphael remembers about his mother! He turns in the direction of his home, running as fast as his weak limbs can carry him (which is not very fast at all), running out of the way of ruined carts and the corpses of his fellow villagers.

Tears suddenly well up in the eyes of Raphael. He slumps down to his knees, and puts his head in his hands. His house is the most ruined of them all. All that is left of his home is its base- the rest of the house was completely obliterated. He runs up to the remains of his home, and finds his mother, horribly burnt and barely living. Raphael falls to his knees again and starts crying. “I’m…sorry I wasn’t here when you needed me, mom………” Raphael sobs. “You did what you could, Raphael,” his mom replies shakily, “And that is all I can ask of you…… Now go and fulfill your destiny…” Raphael’s eyes look up. “Destiny?”

“Yes, Raphael…” his mother says, “I have lied to you your whole life, Raphael…… that mark indeed means something…… I just did not tell you out of fear of what it could do…… I do not know what the mark means…… but the village elder told me it is a prophecy of your destiny……

“But, my time in this world is nearing a close, son…… I shall give you something to help you on your way…”

Raphael’s mom hands her son a strange talisman.

“Here- this will keep the lesser demons from harming you… I bid you… farewell, son… and good luck on your quest…”

As his mother dies, Raphael stays by her side. When he goes limp, Raphael weeps bitterly…………

Chapter 3: Journey
Raphael, after an hour of crying, rose up to his feet. "Buck up, Raphael," He said to himself, "This is no way to make your mother proud. She would not want you to cry, despite your loss. She wants you to fufill your destiny! Become great! Yes, yes......... perhaps......... perhaps......."

The young lad sat on the floor, deep in thought. His eyes scanned the area closely for something, ANYTHING, for an idea of something that could help him.....

He saw something. An old, rumpled peice of paper, drifting in the breeze, off into the distance. Raphael's eyes lit up with excitement. Of course! The town of Galaban! Why had he not thought of it before!? He ran up to the map, which had gotten caught on the twig while floating west. He grabbed the map, and scanned it. His village is on the map, far to the left, while Galaban is far north of his location, past the bog of sorrow. Nevertheless, Raphael picked up a worn, beaten stick and gathered what was left of the food in his house and set off in the direction of Galaban, wondering what laid ahead on his long road.........

Suddenly, a voice entered his mind, with a distinct hint to it, that made it strangely recognizable, yet taboo at the same time.

"RAPHAEL....."

Raphael quickly whirled around, to find a shadowy figure with blazing red eyes that seemingly never blinked.

"Who are you, and how do you know my name?" Raphael said meekly.

"Greetingsss, Raphael. I am the wandering hermit.......... sssome people are afraid of me........ all I want to do isss help........... you're not ssscared of me, are you?"

"N-no? No!" Raphael quickly said. "Of COURSE not! You're not scary at all!"

The being seemingly smiled. It was a disturbing smile, almost like he was plotting something behind those two souless red eyes. "Excellent. Now, I heard about your dilemma, and I have come to give you sssome advice......."

"Dilemma? How did you know about my-"

"Now now, Raphael, don't worry yourssself on how I knew about it. Do you want advice or what?"

"Yes, I would like some advice, sir," Raphael says, a look of slight fear coming into his eyes. This 'hermit' sure was creepy...... especially his cold, souless eyes........

"Excellent. Now, for my advice...... head deep into the heart of the bog of sssorrow. Ssseek out a being named Charybdis. He will tell you the way to the oracle of truth. The oracle will then tell you what your identity isss."

"Are you sure?"

"YESSS.... now go........"

The being disappears, leaving Raphael on his own........

Chapter 4: Encounters of the unknown
Raphael continues on his way into the town of Galaban. He looks deep into the large bog before. Silence. An ominous silence. It was an unnerving silence- almost as if something was simply lying in wait for him in there, like it was waiting to devour him. Surpressing these feelings, Raphael continues into the bog. He turned behind him, but the hermit was no where to be found. Raphael wonders where he could have possibly wandered off to. The young lad presses onwards, red eyes glaring at him from deep in the heavily forested bog. the smell of corpses fills Raphael's nose as he wanders deep into the heart of the bog. The water flows with an ethereal green hint to it. Raphael examines the water curiously, wondering why it was glowing such a bizarre color.

Suddenly, something pushed Raphael into the water. shocked raphael quickly rises out of the water and looks behind him. Nothing. Fog rolled in from the bowels of the bog, the sounds of numerous creatures ringing through the area. Holding the stick like a stave, Raphael pulls himself out of the water, shivering from the icy air, looking around skittishly.

A feminine voice quietly whispers in Raphael's ear. "Stay here............" Raphael turns around, only to see whisps of mist. Another voice, behind him again. "Stay here..... with me......." Raphael turns around again. Nothing. Another voice appears behind him, this one sounding alomsot right next to him. "Stay here...... with me......" Raphael turns around to see a woman, dressed in a long, flowing, white dress. Her whole body radiates with light, very much like the water, only she is glowing white. she speaks again, her voice sounding like a distant, ringing whisper. "Stay here with me, Raphael........ stay here, and I will give you the gift of eternal life........." "No," Raphael says bluntly, "I have heard of you spectres and your offers. No thank you." The spectre speaks again, in a harsher tone. "Stay here with me, raphael, and I will give you the gift of eternal life........." Raphael says between his teeth, "Never." The spectre suddenly becomes angry. "YOU DARE CHALLENGE THE WILL OF THE UNDEAD?! I SHALL DEVOUR YOUR ENTIRE EXISTENCE!" the once beautiful white dressed woman suddenly warps into a cloud of fog, an angry face drawn upon the spectre's features. The undead being flies toward Raphael. Before the man can react, raphael, feels a sharp pain in his chest. He was bleeding. The young lad collapses to the floor, his breathing slowed. The spectre begins to draw forth a white tendril from Raphael- his soul. Suddenly, a loud, bestial roar rings forth, before a blast of blue energy slams into the spectral being, tearing its form apart. After seeing this, Raphael blacks out................

Chapter 5: Charybdis
Raphael awakens after hours of deep, dreadful slumber. He finds himself in a dark, ragged shack, that has many strange things hanging from its rugged, scratched walls. The furniture within the place was disturbing to say the least- everything in sight was created from either the bones or hide of animals that the owner of the dreadful place had slain. He looked at the bed he had been lying in. It was made of some strange beast's hide. Startled, Raphael quickly shoots out of the bed, shivering with paranoid fear......

From a door near the bed Raphael had been resting in came a large, imposing, reptilian being. The being's clothing was made from animal bone and hide, his expressionless face weilding a large, deep scar across his right eye. His arms were as thick as tree limbs, with yellow eyes that seemed to look into a being's soul. The beast of a humanoid speaks. "Ah, so you have awakened already......" "W-who are you? W-what do you want with me?" Raphael squeaks. The large, muscular being walks over to Raphael. "Me? I am Charybdis. I am known around these parts as the Swamp Sorceror." "Ch-charybdis?" Raphael says. This.... this THING was what the hermit had sent him to go and find? Raphael quivers in fear before turning to Charybdis. "N-nice to meet you, sir." "Save the formalities," Charybdis grunts. The reptilian man wanders over to a beautiful table carved from ivory bones, before pulling out a dagger and sharpening it on the table. "Tell me, boy- what brings a youngling such as yourself into such a dangerous stretch of land?" Raphael swallows before speaking. "I have come to see the oracle of truth. The wandering hermit told me to come to you so you can lead me to him. I wish to learn what my birthmark means." Raphael points to the mark above his right eye. "Let me see it." Charybdis growls. The lizard man walks up to Raphael and examines the mark. "When did you say you got it?" "It was a birthmark," Raphael responds. Charybdis swallows before saying, "I recognize this mark, but we shall head towards the oracle immediately. This is something very important, young lad..... what did you say your name was?" "Raphael," the young lad responds. "Raphael," Charybdis grunts. "Let us get moving. We have a long road ahead of us." Charybdis picks up his weapons and a large sack. "However, we first must prepare..."

Chapter 6: Gear up and move out
Raphael turns to Charybdis, the monstrous being already having gathered up most of the weapons on the table. "Do I get a weapon?" the young lad asks. Charybdis turns to Raphael, a serious look upon his face. "Yes. Follow me....." Charybdis beckons for the human to follow him. Raphael does this, the two of them heading deep into the bowels of the reptilian man's house. Hidden beneath the floor, in a small basement like place, was a forge filled with anything a blacksmith or warrior would need. Raphael looks around at these things with amazement covering his visage. Charybdis digs into a rather large chest, looking for something fitting for Raphael. A look of satisfaction covers the old being's face as he pulls out a beautifully crafted longsword, strange markings etched into its blade and 2 spikes portruding from the sides of it. Raphael cocks his head to the side upon seeing it.

"A sword?"

"Yes, Raphael," Charybdis growls. "This was a gift to me from an old man who had blessed it. It was said to be the bringer of requiem to its enemies and cannot be broken by a mortal weapon."

"What's it called?" Raphael asks.

"The man did not say," Charybdis replies, "But I like to call it Requiem. A fitting name, considering the nature of its blessing."

Raphael nods before taking the blade from Charybdis.

"So we are now set," Charybdis says. "Let us get a move on then. We have a long road ahead."

Raphael nods before both man and beast head out from the hut, walking down a worn beaten path to Galaban.

"Where are we heading?" Raphael says.

"Where do you think?" Charybdis growls sacrastically, pointing to a sign that clearly states, "Galaban- 1 mile".

"Oh," raphael replies, embarrassed. He turns back to charybdis. "Why do you live here? Galaban is not too far away. Why not just live there?"

"It is a long story, youngling. I will tell you when I come around to it." Charybdis replies. "Now keep silent. I need to think for the way we must to take to the Oracle's temple...."

Raphael nods and goes silent, letting the grizzled being think as they continue on their way.......

Chapter 7: The town of Galaban
The two beings wander through the dark bog, the chirping of birds audible all across the area, along with the constant shuffling and growling of beasts hiding in the underbrush. The unnerving noises begin to get to Raphael. He was not used to such dreadful thoughts running through his mind. They were wandering through the middle of an infamous bog, where monsters are known to wander about, with an old lizardman and a youngling, the former armed with a staff, the latter a sword.....

Raphael shivers. It didn't help that the whole place stunk of rotted corpses and filled with perpretual mist and cold. how could one survive here? It didn't seem to affect Charybdis too much. Finally, the grizzled humanoid breaks the silence between the two.

"I know you wish to know your destiny... but why did you come alone? You must surely have friends and family, yes?"

Raphael looks down in sadness.

"A fire demon killed them. He raided my village and killed everyone except for me."

Charybdis places his hood on his head. "I see. 'Tis a pity......"

"Why'd you put a hood on, Charybdis?" Raphael asks.

"It is part of that long story I told you about earlier." Charybdis quickly changes the subject. "Look there, boy- the gates of Galaban!"

The boy looks up ahead where Charybdis is looking. At the end lies a huge, cast iron gate, with titanic sentry towers flanking each side of it. Along the wall are three guards, each armed with strange bow like weapons.

"Halt!" A guard shouts. "What brings you to the town of Galaban? Speak, or prepare to be forcefully removed from this area."

Charybdis keeps his head low to avoid them seeing his reptilian features.

"An old man and his grandson seek to enter and recieve goods to return home. We will leave by sunrise."

"Alright. Open the gates!"

The guards stand tall as the gates creek open slowly before coming to a stop. Charybdis and Raphael enter, and the gates close again with an ominous thud.

The whole town was alive with hundreds of people walking around buying, others were peddlers selling strange exotic goods from different lands. Yelling and cheering is audible, for a horse race was going on in the nearby Ampitheatre. Charybdis lumbers through the crowd with Raphael next to him, pointing at a store.

"There. We will buy our food supplies there." Charybdis grumbles. The two head towards the store, ignoring the yelling of the various peddlers and street vendors before pushing the door open. The store was small and dirty, but seemed to be comfortable enough for the owners to use. Charybdis begins to pick up various items and put them into a bag he is carrying.

"May I help you with anything?"

Charybdis and Raphael turn around, startled. The store owner, a small, squat, yet friendly looking man, stood behind them. Chrybdis smiles.

"Yes. We need to have enough supplies for an about 4 week journey."

"Oh, yes of course," the owner says. "Come, follow me."

The two follow the little man into the back of the store, where a large supply of bags are gathered there.

"This what you were looking for?"

The small man picks up one, filled with a lot of food and water.

"That will do." Charybdis growls. The man nods and hands them the bags. "That will be 100 gold coins."

Charybdis Pulls out a shiny silver coin.

"Will this cover it?"

The store owner's eyes grow wide.

"A platinum coin? Yes, that'll DEFINATELY cover it."

The store owner takes it from Charybdis.

"Have a nice day!"

The lizardman grunts and exits the store, Raphael following.

"That was easy," Raphael says.

"Yes, but leaving is not as simple was entering."

Raphael nods. Suddenly, the sound of trumpets is heard from nearby. People seemed to be heading towards the main plaza.

"Shall we investigate?" Raphael says.

"If you wish," Charybdis says. "But know that it will only waste time getting out of here. There are things worse than bandits that wander around here at night...."

Raphael turns to the plaza, where the sounds of a man speaking are heard. Genuinely intrigued, Raphael heads towards the sound. Charybdis sighs and follows, grumbling to himself:

"They never listen, do they?....."

Chapter 8: The Sorceress
The wind howls through the town of Galaban as the duo advances towards the main Plaza. Cheers and yells erupt from the quickly gathering crowd, looking upon something that is taking place on a rickety old wooden stand. Raphael turns to Charybdis.

“I can’t see anything. What is going on up there?”

“I myself can barely see what is going on, Raphael. Be patient and that fellow up there with the scroll should start talking.”

The aforementioned man looks upon the growing rabble before raising his hand. As if by some kind of magic, the crowd’s yelling and jeers dies out. The man clears his throat before nodding to a huge man with an axe easily as tall as him. Beside the executioner is a raven-haired woman, with beauty that would have rivaled even the most beautiful of the gods themselves, with dark purple eyes. She was garbed in a simple tunic, nothing more, and nothing less. However, no one seemed to care about her beauty, and only seemed to want her head to be lying upon the floor. The executioner nods back, and the human holding the scroll begins to speak.

“Eh-hem. My fellow Galabanians- today, our guards came across a horrid and monstrous thing. Upon entering this… this WITCH’S house-“

“I’m a sorceress, not a witch, fool,” the woman on the stand says.

“Silence, insolent fool! You are in no position to question what I call you,” the man with the scroll says.

The Man continues giving his speech out to the people in the crowd. Having become interested upon hearing the person speak, Raphael turns to his elder and says, “Let’s go a bit back and get a better look from a higher place.” Charybdis simply grumbles.

“Why? What importance does this have to you? It is but another ‘witch’ whom the city deserves to be eliminated from the planet.”

“I have a plan,” Raphael says.

“A plan for what?” Charybdis retorts.

“You’ll see.”

Charybdis sighs and the two depart….

A few minutes later, the two find a good high place for them to stay- an overlook of the whole plaza from a nearby temple. The plaza was quite beautiful from this distance, with the sides of it trimmed in gold and glistening brightly in the midday sun. However, it was not time for the duo to admire its beauty; they were focusing on the plan. Charybdis growls at Raphael.

“Alright, youngling, what’s you big plan?”

“I want to save that woman down there.”

“Why? She knows magic, and they feel she needs to be eliminated. I dislike their philosophy, but I’d rather not interfere with this.”

“That’s the problem, though. We need to stop it. She did not do anything!”

Charybdis becomes frustrated with his ward.

“You imbecile! You’re going to get us BOTH killed with your plight!”

Raphael remains calm.

“That’s why you use that bow you have and shoot it into the executioner. Then, with the crowd in fear, she can make her escape.”

“Foolish boy- where will she go if the crowd is trying to kill her?”

Raphael thinks for a moment.

“I guess we’ll have to go down anyways.”

Charybdis sighs.

“I can see where you are coming from, I guess. While I would prefer to keep this day bloodless, perhaps it is best that we help her out,” Charybdis says.

“I’m glad you see it my way,” Raphael says. “Get your bow ready.”

Charybdis nods and pulls out his bow.

The woman on the stand simply stands and waits. Finally, the man with the scroll finishes his ridiculously long rhetoric.

“Are you ready to accept your fate, spawn of Craefr?” the man says menacingly.

“Do I have a choice?” the woman says, sounding distraught.

The man with the scroll nods to the executioner, who then raises his axe up over the woman’s head. She could almost smell the blood stained on the blade, and the large man’s sweat that makes his body appears so shiny.

“Sorry, ma’am, just doing my job…”

Raphael says to Charybdis urgently, “Hurry! They’re going to kill her!”

Charybdis snarls before drawing the bow back and firing it. A loud twang is heard as the arrow is sent hurtling towards the executioner’s chest. The arrow whistles through the air at incredible speeds, before, with incredible power, it embeds itself in the man’s chest. With a groan of pain, the executioner drops his axe and falls off of the stand and into the blood hungry crowd. However, they are shocked and horrified to see the executioner be killed instead. Seeing an opportunity to escape, the Sorceress gets up and begins running as fast as she can away form the stand. Seeing her flee, the man with the scroll turns to some nearby guards and says, “Don’t just stand there, you fools! Get her!” They nod and begin to give chase…

Raphael draws his sword and turns to Charybdis.

“Let’s roll.”

Charybdis sighs and pulls out his staff again, following closely behind his young ward…

Chapter 9: Escape from Galaban
Chaos ruled the streets of Galaban. The peasants were in a tumult; the guards were running about crazily, without direction and had trouble keeping their focus soely on to the sorceress. A couple of the guards had finally caught up with the Sorceress. Arms tied behind her back, the young woman could to nothing to save herself. The guards raised their blades as they grew close, ready to strike the woman down…

Suddenly, a bolt of blue energy rippled through the air and struck both of the guards that were near the young woman, incapacitating them. She skidded to a stop, and a large, burly human and a young man come up beside her.

“Thank you,” The sorceress says.

“Keep running,” Charybdis says to the woman. “The guards will catch up shortly.”

Raphael looks rather nervous now, seeing those big, muscular guards heading towards them, and will definitely try and hurt them, due to them having weapons out. It didn’t help that there is a beautiful woman near him…

A guard looks up as they enter the pathway, and sees the new trio standing there, getting ready to bolt. The guard’s eyes lock with Charybdis’s, the man recognizing him.

“It’s the lizard man! Get him!”

Charybdis grunts and shoves Raphael into the woman. “Take her to the gate! I’ll hold these ******** off…”

Raphael nods fervently and nudges the Sorceress. “Come on, let’s go, let’s go…”

Without hesitation, the woman bolts ahead, Raphael following close behind her. A trio of guards comes up to Charybdis, their swords and shields at the ready.

“You do not belong here, foul beast! Go back to your swamp!” The men glare menacingly at the beast folk, but he is undeterred.

“Really? You would beat an old man? You should be ashamed of yourselves.”

“You’re in no position to taunt, old fool! Your fate is as good as sealed!” Charybdis simply glances up and smirks.

“I would beg to differ.”

Angered by the threat, the guards all rush Charybdis at the same time, blades slashing downward. Ready, Charybdis ducks under the blows, causing them all to decapitate each other. Charybdis pushes the corpses aside as they fall downwards.

“Who’s the old fool now?”

He then runs after Raphael and the Sorceress.

Raphael and the young woman arrive at the gates, but are unable to open them.

“Dammit, the gates are locked!”

“What’d you expect, idiot? We’re in enemy territory…”

“I was hoping we could just push them open or something!”

Well, if you could untie-“

“No time! More guards are coming!”

“I can help if you just-“

“Don’t worry, I’ll hold them off!”

“All you need to do is-“

One of the guards closes in and brings his blade down towards Raphael. The young boy clumsily brings the sword up to block the incoming blow before
kicking the guard back. The guard attempts a stabbing blow, but Raphael sidesteps it and bashes the guard in the back of the neck with hilt of the sword, knocking him out.

“Not what I planned, but okay! We need to get up on the walls to open the gate! I’ll boost you up!”

“But if you-“

“There’s no time! The guards will-“

“SHUT UP, YOU IMBECILE! Look, all you need to do is untie my ropes, I’ll blast the gate open!”

“You can do that?!”

“Yes. Now please hurry!”

Raphael obliges and begins to untie the ropes binding her hands, as the guards behind the first come closer….

Charybdis is close behind the guards, uttering an incantation in some strange language that sends the men scattering all over the place. Villagers seemed to be horrified of the sorceress and Charybdis to really do anything, wailing “The sorceress has brought the demon back upon us! Save us, Crom!”

Raphael quickly unties the knot as says, “Okay, you’re good to go!” The sorceress smirks and raises her hands, which glows with ethereal energy…

As Charybdis heads to help out Raphael and the lady, the gates suddenly blast open. Charybdis raises an eyebrow, obviously impressed.

“Well, what do you know… Raphael was right.”

The sorceress smiles in a childish manner, laughing with joy, before grabbing Raphael’s hand.

“C’mon! Let’s go!”

Raphael blushes as the two quickly run out of the town.

Charybdis smiles and shakes his head at the two before following them of the gate, leaving Galaban in utter turmoil...

Chapter 10: Getting to know each other

Darkness has fallen across the lands of Haudspes, and the trio has made camp in the heart of the unknown. Wolves howl late into the night, and the growls of primordial menaces ring from somewhere in the tress. Raphael is nervous. The dark never sat well with him. His mother always told him stories about the Dhoulmagus- a demon that would snatch up children who were naughty. The story had terrified him when he was younger, but now, it did not bother him. After seeing that Greater Demon torch his village, however... now he is scared stiff as a log. The fire crackles and makes the area glow a bright crimson. After a long period of silence as they roasted dinner over an open fire, the sorceress locks her amethyst eyes on Raphael before she speaks.

"Thanks for saving me back there. I thought I was done for."

"Ummm.... it was nothing," Raphael replies hastily.

"So what brought to Galaban in the first place?" the young woman inquires.

This time, Charybdis speaks up, still chewing some of his food. After gulping it down, he says, "We were looking for supplies to aid us on our adventure."

"Where are you going?" she asks.

"That is our busi-"

Raphael cuts off Charybdis before he can finish. "We are going to the Oracle of Truth to discover the meaning behind this mark on my eyebrow." The young lad points to the strange symbol upon his brow.

"Ah," The sorceress says, not too surprised.

"What? Aren't you surprised?" Raphael asks.

"Well..... no, honestly. Usually, the markings tell about the future and how events fold out." The sorceress paused. "Were you, by any chance, attacked by a fire demon?"

Raphael's heart sank. Charybdis growls, "How did you know?"

"I've.... seen things," she says. "In my dreams. I saw a young boy, whose village was destroyed by a fire demon. While he claimed to want to discover the meaning of his marking, his true purpose for his quest was to destroy the fire demon whom had wronged him."

Charybdis turns to Raphael. "Is this true, Raphael?"

The boy hung his head in shame. "Yes. I want to find the true meaning behind me birth mark, but.... my heart begs to avenge my village."

"We will avenge your village, boy," Charybdis says, "But that is for another time. Your destiny must be discovered first."

The soceress chimes in again. "Oh, bother, I don't even know you gentlemens' names!"

Charybdis chuckled. "I am Charybdis, mage of the bog, the swamp hermit. As you may have realized, This is Raphael."

He wraps a burly arm around Raphael. "And what's your name?" Raphael asks.

"My name is Pandora," the soceress replies. "And I sure live up to that name. You have NO idea how much chaos I've caused in poor Galaban in my younger days."

The lizardman and his ward chuckle uneasily, unsure if they should or not. Raphael turns to Charybdis.

"So you never told me why you got kicked out of Galaban. What happened?"

"Well...." Charybdis pauses. "I did promise to tell you, didn't I?"

He clears his throat before beginning.

"It all started long ago when I was born. You see, my mother was a mortal woman, but my father was a dragon. The dragon fell in love with my mother and.... well, I'd prefer to not go into the details, but I think you get the basic premise."

Both Raphael and Pandora look trully disgusted at this, but they let him continue.

"So anyways, when I was born, everyone in the town thought I was some sort of demonic spawn. Thankfully, the priestess at the time saw my purity and I was allowed to stay in the town. Despite this, however, I was still discriminated against, often getting beat up as a child or being ineligible to pratice certain...... artforms.... that I was proficient. To say the least, I was furious at this. So when I got older, I rebelled and killed the mayor of Galaban. This didn't go over well and they kicked out. it's been 200 years and they still treat me like a monster."

Charybdis hangs his head in shame.

"Well.... if you hadn't killed the mayor, maybe they'd treat you more kindly," Raphael says. Pandora was still trying to grasp it all still.

"I know.... it is an old shame of mine. But, there is no reason to dwell on it. The hour grows late; let us retire."

Charybdis blows the flames out and enters the tent. Pandora follows, as does Raphael.

"Good night," Charybdis says.

"Good night," Pandora and Raphael say in reply. They were soon off to sleep, but an ominous presence hangs about their camp, watching them sleep.

It is the wandering hermit, his blood red eyes glaring into the tent, and his mouth stretched into an eerie smile.

"Yesss..... sssleep well, Raphael.... sssoon, you ssshall sssee the truth...."

He limped into the darkness of the wilderess, and seems to disappear from existence completely.....
Last edited by Godzilla Forever on Sun Oct 02, 2011 3:23 pm, edited 19 times in total.
"If none can know what lies ahead, then losing one's way is just human nature."~ Yoshimitsu

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Postby Giratina93 » Mon May 31, 2010 2:56 am

For some odd reason, I figured that, if you did a Fan Fic, you'd star one of your demons in it. That just makes this look even more promising...

Good intro, I just hope you incorporate Fatalis into this, and give a slight handwave to an event that occured in the E-war...
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Postby Godzilla Forever » Mon May 31, 2010 2:59 am

Oh, trust me gira- the demons will make their appearences.

And, I MIGHT put Fatalis and Tina into this to make the story more interesting. You also have to remember that this story takes place THOUSANDS of years ago, when the demons had managed to reach the surface and the Enforcers came upon the world. This is also before the endwar to keep it from coinciding with my (possible) RPG on the site............
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Postby Godzilla Forever » Mon May 31, 2010 1:24 pm

Chapter 1's up!!!

And so begins our little tale of Raphael........
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Postby Giratina93 » Sun Jun 06, 2010 9:00 pm

Going strong... i think. A tad bit more detail, and it might just pass my judgement!
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Postby Evil Eye » Sun Jun 06, 2010 9:30 pm

Pretty much what Gira said.

You have a good solid plot, a good starting point. But don't rush, you'll get there. Be nice a descriptive, add details to every little thing that happens in your story. It'll make the reader want to keep reading, pull them into the story.
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Postby Godzilla Forever » Sun Jun 06, 2010 10:04 pm

Thanks guys. I've been taking a break recently due to some serious projects coming up in school, and I might not post chapter two till wednesday or so.
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Postby Godzilla Forever » Mon Jun 07, 2010 10:10 pm

Chapter 2's up!!!

This is just a short chapter to explain Raphael's pain after Blaze's attack.
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Postby Evil Eye » Mon Jun 07, 2010 10:14 pm

Not bad at I'll. I know you're plot's still developing, so I cant really say a lot about it right now, but one thing I will say: try not to switch between past and present tense, you do a few times in this.

Waiting on the next chapter 8)
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Postby Godzilla Forever » Mon Jun 07, 2010 10:18 pm

Ok, I just have a bit of a hard time on the tense I want it to be in.
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Postby Evil Eye » Mon Jun 07, 2010 10:27 pm

You seem to be in present most of the story, so just dont say like "he wondered, or "Black was all that Raphael could see".
Instead say "he wonders", or "Black is all Raph can see"
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Postby Godzilla Forever » Mon Jun 07, 2010 10:29 pm

Yeah.... I kinda messed up mainly on this one. I made it present instead of past.

Thanks though, EE.
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Postby Godzilla Forever » Tue Jul 13, 2010 2:34 am

Chapter 3's up!!!

I dare you to guess who the 'hermit' is. :P
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Postby Giratina93 » Tue Jul 13, 2010 3:12 am

Let me guess... the wandering hermit is actually ME, the half-demon composed of thousands of pure demons! :twisted:

In all seriousness, it's probably Craefr, just a guess...

Nice chapter. Starting to remind me abit of Pilgrim's Progress...

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Postby Godzilla Forever » Tue Jul 13, 2010 3:15 am

Pilgrim's progress..... scott pilgrim, or is this a book or something?
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Postby Godzilla Forever » Thu Jul 29, 2010 2:56 am

Chapter 4's up!!!
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Postby Doc 42 » Fri Jul 30, 2010 12:52 am

Continue this please.

To be bluntly honest, the writing could be a lot better. there are plenty of niggles, however, I'm genuinely interested in what's going to happen, and the only way to improve the little things is practice. : D

A piece of advice from this post:
Suddenly, Raphael remembers about his mother!!!


Avoid adding extra exclamation marks. They aren't accumulative. It's annoying and one will do.
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Postby Godzilla Forever » Fri Jul 30, 2010 2:18 am

Doc 42 wrote:Continue this please.

To be bluntly honest, the writing could be a lot better. there are plenty of niggles, however, I'm genuinely interested in what's going to happen, and the only way to improve the little things is practice. : D

A piece of advice from this post:
Suddenly, Raphael remembers about his mother!!!


Avoid adding extra exclamation marks. They aren't accumulative. It's annoying and one will do.

Sorry about that. Sometimes I get overzealous when I type.

And the fact I haven't written a story outside of this site doesn't make typing one easier....

But, thanks for the constructive criticism! Also, what's a niggle?
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Postby Godzilla Forever » Mon Aug 23, 2010 3:04 am

Chapter 5's up! Charybdis makes his grand appearence.
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Postby Giratina93 » Mon Aug 23, 2010 3:46 am

Hmmm... this is going rahter well... Charybdis in particular shows quite a bit of promise... keep it going!
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