Test story

Have you got a game, book or movie you'd like to make a story out of? Want to expand on a story or plot that stopped? Have an original idea for a story that you want to post somewhere? Here's where to do it. Basically an RPG where one player controls ALL characters in the story.

Test story

Postby TyrantTR » Sat Feb 17, 2007 2:23 am

Well I have decided that I want to be an author, yes big desicion, I may win or lose but I hope I'll win. So as a test I made a little story for action sequences. Of coaurse I got the time line wrong so don't bother me. I just would like to know what you think I could improve on so my writing career could be at it's full extent.
The stegosaurs lumbered across a lush, beautiful valley, witch was broken by a mildly tropical forest, there all sorts of trees, and herbs grew, conifers, ferns, palms, and even some jungle like trees, with vines drooping down from the side, as the amazing Sauropod’s necks stretched beyond the forest tree tops. The lake was the only source of water for a long while here, most of the land was scorched up in yellow grass, yet this vast valley housed a multitude of green coloring.
Here the large stegosaurs took there rest for a drink. The elegance of these creatures was unreal, such adaptation for something that died over one-hundred, and fifty million years ago. The look upon dinosaurs, as stupid, repulsive, and slow animals was obviously incorrect. The sway of their tails, the protection of there young, even the patterns on there rich red skin was graceful, and unique. The herbivores all grouped together in a tight cluster, this formed their protection, and this was how they survived.
As the creatures began to plod peacefully right along, it soon became apparent, something was up. The once visible sauropods were now way off in the distance hidden in the fog. As if a dark gloomy cloud of fate cast itself over the stegosaurs, they began to panic. Their thoughts and vision was clouded, a flicker of movement, even from another stegosaur, sent them off in a panic. What was happening? As the animals looked to the shadows of the trees they were afraid even, even more so than before. A considerable amount of stirring was seen in the dark light.
That was when it was spotted. The bulky neck sprouted from the underbrush, a single terrifying head observed the heard, it didn’t move. The creature didn’t even blink. Then came the attack, a full muscular hind limb shot out of the plant life. The animal roared as a vision of a twenty foot high body was visible in the blur of movement. The panicked heard of stegosaurs turned around as soon as they could, but fast wasn’t fast enough, as the thick bipedal carnivore came close from behind.
The stegosaur in the back swung its mighty tail, yet in vain, as the flash image of razor sharp, blood stained jaws was the last thing the stegosaur saw, clinging onto the skull of the still running herbivore. With a single sway of its neck the identifiable, allosaurus, brought the stegosaur to its front. Using its powerful leg as leverage, the allosaurus pulled on the head, the sickening snap was the outcome. The limp head fell to the floor, soon to be fallowed by the rest of its body. The allosaur let out a terrifying roar as it began to feed on the body.
Yet again the area wasn’t safe. As the allosaur still dug into the corpse it didn’t realize the sudden danger. A deafening roar shot out through the jungle, the allosaur’s head lifted as flocks of birds shot out from the forest canopy. As the ignorant allosaur resumed it’s feeding, the hunt was on the hunter. As the creature caught a familiar whiff of another large carnivore, it was aware of the situation. Yet when it turned, it knew it was already too late. The single powerful body, of the Tyrannosaurus could be seen a mile away, its dark green skin, with red stripes streaking across the body, and the grey molting, made the carnivore practically camouflaged with its environment.
But were there was one there were two, and when the allosaur got a jolt of pain from its rib cage, the world went round as the animal found itself on the floor. It looked up as the jaws of the other rex came down upon it with a horrible crunch. In seconds the skull of the once ferocious allosaur was crushed, and indented. Letting out one last majestic roar, the relaxed, to devour it’s food.
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Postby TyrannoTitan » Fri Mar 02, 2007 2:43 am

Very good fan fic....I like it.

Just some spelling mistakes (sorry, even though I can't spell myself, its very important to me.)
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Postby TyrantTR » Fri Mar 02, 2007 2:59 am

Yeah I know, If I was actually to make a novel I would definatley go over each chapter and make sure those were gone. I just needed opinions on this.
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Postby TyrannoTitan » Fri Mar 02, 2007 3:03 am

Ya, you should make a real fan fic about it. Its very discriptive. Keep up the good work.
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Postby chook151 » Fri Mar 02, 2007 6:12 am

i had that idea!, in my mind weeks ago! good story anyway! just needs to be a bit longer...
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Postby The Kingpin » Fri Mar 02, 2007 10:33 am

pssst, Chook! look at the title. it says TEST story. it's just a test to see whether it's good or not. that kind of detail is actually the kind that can make the ISSRPG great. that's what i mean. detail of the surroundings, detail in describing the character your using, detail in everything near it, within sight of it [the description of the valley, with it's scorched golden grass and the tropical trees, ferns, palms and other flora, is a perfect example]
"Ah yes, organised chaos. the sign of a clever but ever-busy mind. To the perpetrator, a carefully woven web of belongings and intrigue, but to the bystander? Madness!"
–William Beckett, Lore of Leyuna RPG

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Postby chook151 » Sat Mar 03, 2007 4:39 am

@KP:ok,ok,ok, i get it.

its pretty good.
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