Aching Memories

Have you got a game, book or movie you'd like to make a story out of? Want to expand on a story or plot that stopped? Have an original idea for a story that you want to post somewhere? Here's where to do it. Basically an RPG where one player controls ALL characters in the story.

Aching Memories

Postby Hopeflower » Tue Jul 10, 2007 11:38 pm

I decided to rewrite Steeltalon's history...add a little more detail to certain points. It might suck, I dunno...comments or criticism is welcome. :)

Aching Memories

I watched the four hatchlings, who I'd already chosen names for, run around Darkness excitedly. They were so innocent...I wanted to protect them from what I went through. Nobody deserves to feel that kind of pain. I still feel the triumph of my most persistant of enemies falling to my claws...but I remember the pain as though it was yesterday, and not almost five years ago.

Claws of Gray, Eyes of Blood

My brother and I were the best of friends, closer than most siblings. He and I would make up games to play, especially when my mother and father were off hunting. He was about a year older than me, when the attack happened. It was just us as a family group, so we had no pack to back us up, unlike Riptide. He had hundreds of raptors at his disposal, but it took just thirteen to wipe my entire family out. I remember all of their names clearly...Riptide barked orders the day before the attack and I happened to be off by myself at the time. Riptide was saying every raptor's name, including my mother's and father's. Even Tigerstripe's. That was when I ran back to my family as silently as I could, like there was no tomorrow.

If only I knew, there wouldn't have been a tomorrow if I hadn't run.

Tigerstripe and I were playing happily before Riptide launched the attack. Then, all hell broke loose. Red Death, Amberclaw, Whiplash, Leafwind and Nightmare attacked my grandmother and grandfather, Sapphire and Grayclaw. Riptide himself had my mother and father, Jade and Mightytalon, locked in combat, along with the second in command of his pack. Night scared me...one eye had a long white scar over it, making the eye useless. The scar stretched from the top of they eye crest to Night's bottom jaw, and it ran down the right side of his face.

But Riptide was much, much worse. He was blacker than the darkest of nights, and his underbelly was bright blue. The same shade of azure ran down his flanks and striped his arms and legs. Riptide's eyes were a very bright blue, said to hypnotise any raptor at a crucial moment in battle.

Tigerstripe ran forward to help my mother and father. I, being only a hatchling, could never hope to be of any help. But before I could cry out after Tigerstripe, Riptide slashed his throat, and my brother fell to the ground, writhing and screaming. I could only watch, horrified, as my brother's eyes, red as blood, dimmed and glazed over. I screeched and ran forward, but Riptide's already bloody killing claw met my left flank and I went down, screaming in pain. I couldn't move for being frozen in agony.

When I managed to lift my head, I saw the damage done. Tigerstripe's glazed red eyes stared at nothing while my mother and father were slumped not far off, their eyes shut and their bodies bleeding freely from several deep wounds.

"Mother!" I screamed. "Father! Tigerstripe!" I felt my entire left side throbbing from the deep wound. I barely managed to stand for shaking so badly. "Nana! Papa! Somebody ANSWER ME! Please!" I dragged myself into the shelter of a low-growing fern and stayed there. I never wanted to move again.

A low snarl came from the clearing where I had just been, and I saw glaring blue eyes rake the landscape as though looking for something. Looking for me.

I slowly fell unconcious.

Searching for Murder

A few days later, I opened my eyes and groaned, every inch of me aching from the wound. It would surely scar and then what would I do? I couldn't hunt....I was utterly helpless.

I didn't dare screech, for fear of attracting Riptide's attention. The only thing I could do was drag myself to a more sheltered place and hope for the best.

The next month is a bit fuzzy to me, but I remember that after it I was not the same.

Riptide's pack hunted me down. I had done something horrible, I'd killed all of the pack's hatchlings. I was now a young adult, but extremely unstable. Anything could send me on a murderous rampage, and Riptide's pack finally finding me was the last I could take.

With the memory of my family's death still fresh and recent, I leapt with a screech onto Red Death's back. I wanted him to suffer. I wanted them all to suffer. I killed seven of Riptide's pack that day. Seven more lives claimed by me.

They stopped persuing me after that. Maybe because they realized I was too strong to intimidate anymore. But I knew they'd be back, and that the pack was regrouping...planning my death. I snapped. I have no idea why, but I did, killing everything I saw as a threat. Young rexes and spinos fell to my claws, leaving me with an impressive collection of bleeding wounds. I thought it was the end when I attacked the adult spino, slashing with all my might, screeching with enough fury to make even a rex shake in fear.

When I was clawed by the spino, I returned to my senses and ran for my life, eventually falling into a hole in the ground. An underground cave. As I looked around I realized it wasn't just one cave, it was a whole series of caves. I decided to stay here until I was well. When I was fit to travel, I ran for days on end, never stopping until I reached a wide river.

My life would never be the same. That much I was sure of.

Recovery from the Truth

I wanted to escape my past, but I never did. Even with wandering the island, I never forgot my mother. She was so kind, to everyone...looking back, I realize I've inherited her compassion and soft spot for youngsters.

I thought I could turn around when I met Fatalis. I was wrong. I could never start over. I bore the scars of a harsh life...I would never be able to forget or fully trust again.

When I joined Clawfist's pack, I thought I could learn to trust...but if anything, my time with them broke all trust any of my allies had earned. Being with them made me remember Night and Riptide, and how cruel they were. I wanted to be alone...I had to be alone, because I knew I wasn't safe to be around. Anything might make me become a killer again.

After I decided to become a loner, I was at peace. I killed Night and Riptide, and an old survivor from Riptide's pack named Riverscar. Then Silver came around and turned my life around completely. I never thought I could be a mother, foster or not, but Silver seemed to enjoy herself and my company.

Then Darkness came. I don't know what he was thinking, but he claimed he was going to kill Silver. No way was I going to let that happen! The fight was brutal, and we both nearly died, but in the end we both found enough compassion to help each other out. I would never have believed we'd end up mates...but we did, and I laid four eggs a few weeks after he decided to stay. I don't think anyone else believed it either, from the look of shock on Redtooth's face when I told him.

Sandstorm and Shadowleaf were another surprise. I thought Clawfist's pack were all dead...but then Sandstorm turned up and told me the story. He found Shadowleaf and they're both happy. Switchblade is a friend I'll never forget.

But when Silver left, it was as though I'd lost my family again today. Come back to see my friends slaughtered and Riptide standing among them, a crazed grin on his face. But he was dead. And I had Darkness to comfort me. I thought it was a nightmare, and I'd wake up from it to find myself still a hatchling...my mother and father still alive...Tigerstripe trying to get me awake for a game...my grandparents discussing hunting and fighting tactics...

That was the past, and this is now. I have Ruby, Darktalon, Whitestreak and Blackstripe...not to mention Darkness. And I know that Silver is alive, and that she's found a mate. Soon she'll visit again, with or without hatchlings, I just know she will.

And when she does, I'll be ready. I still feel the sting of my family's death, but I have a new family now. And hope for the future.

On Her Own

The three-month old hatchling stared at her parents as they left with most of the pack to go hunting. She was hungry and didn't care that there was only two females guarding the nests. Her name was Silver. She was young and innocent, her dark blue eyes always glittering with curiosity. But today, something was going horribly wrong.

Silver waited hours for her parents, leaders of the pack, to return with a large kill. But they never returned. Terrified, Silver ran from the nesting grounds of her pack and to the nearest large carnivore. She chirped pitifully and nuzzled the big creature's foot, but it walked away.

The hatchling ran into a forest and chirped pitifully at every carnivore she ran into, but none would help her. None but one so much as glanced at her, and the carnivore's eyes were blazing with scorn.

Silver grew thinner by the day. She knew that she was going to die...after three weeks of wandering alone, she thought she was done. Then she finally saw a kill...real food at last! She tore into it hungrily, not caring about who's it was. An angry roar made her scurry away fearfully, only to slam into an adult female and fall back with a squeak when the female staggered.

"What do you think you're DOING here?!" the female snarled.

Silver heard the female's angry snarl and saw the kill she was carrying. Her stomach growled and she squeaked, "I come only to ask for food and shelter. I'm Silver."

Silver figured this was Steeltalon, known for her aggressiveness and how quick she was to get angry. She knew she'd be protected here.

She had a new chance at life.

A Raven's Tale


The gray male gazed lovingly at his younger sister. He'd be back and they'd play. "I'm going with the rest of the pack, Silver, but I'll be back soon," he promised. Ne nuzzled the hatchling and turned to go. Silver chirped as he left.

"Raven not go!" she cried. "Raven not go!"

Raven winced and slipped into the forest behind his parents, the leaders of the pack.

What happened next was a blur to him. His mother screeched and one by one the members of the pack vanished with shrieks of terror. A strong reek of blood filled Raven's senses and he became confused.

"Mother?" he barked, listening for a reply. "Father?!"

The forest was suddenly eerily still, and out of the bushes came eight raptors. Their colors were not normal, and their scent was that of blood, death, and fear. "You see what happens to those who invade our territory," the lead raptor hissed, a mocking tone to his voice.

A pure white female hissed, "The same fate awaits those at your home."

The leader growled, "We own that clearing you've settled in. So, leave and never come back or you suffer the same fate as them." He barked a command and the seven raptors slid into the undergrowth, each returning with a body in their mouths.

Raven started shaking in fear and rage. "You monsters," he hissed.

"Yes we are," a white female flecked with black hissed. "We're not like you." The others let out mocking laughs that rang around the still forest.

"We are much better than you," the leader snarled. He kicked the body of Raven's father, the dominant male. "That's why they stood no chance against us. We are stronger that you, and we are smarter than you." He looked up at Raven through narrowed blue eyes. "My name is Riptide. Remember that, puny raptor."

Raven had heard enough. Skidding slightly, he turned and ran back the way he'd come, the laughter of the strange raptors

ringing through the trees behind him. He ran back to Silver's nest, but the little hatchling was gone, and the strong scents of blood and fear made Raven fear the worst had happened to his little sister. "Silver!" he barked. No reply. "Silver?!" Still nothing.

Raven was on his own.
Last edited by Hopeflower on Wed Jul 18, 2007 11:51 pm, edited 5 times in total.
"Gotta have a little sadness once in a while so you know when the good times come."
"Talent is a pursued interest. In other words, anything that you're willing to practice, you can do." ~ Bob Ross

"The future is always uncertain and painful but it must be lived." ~ Unknown
Hopeflower
Titanium Shortcake
Titanium Shortcake
 
Posts: 18702
Joined: Mon Mar 12, 2007 7:17 pm
Location: NY, USA

Postby Doc 42 » Tue Jul 10, 2007 11:47 pm

Cool! That cleared some stuff up for me. Now I see why everyone is calling her an ex-psycho raptor :)
Glad that you decided to post it.
Doc 42
Cool Guy Moderator
Cool Guy Moderator
 
Posts: 8618
Joined: Fri Jan 05, 2007 9:20 pm
Location: Ireland

Postby TyrannoTitan » Tue Jul 10, 2007 11:50 pm

That was great! Very informative, and very interesting to read. You have the capability to become a writer, I knew that when you made me depressed with Silver leaving :P

Keep writing, thats the best advice I can give.
TyrannoTitan
 

Postby Hopeflower » Tue Jul 10, 2007 11:53 pm

Glad you liked it. :)

I might add a bit of Silver's past in there too, if I ever get around to writing it.
"Gotta have a little sadness once in a while so you know when the good times come."
"Talent is a pursued interest. In other words, anything that you're willing to practice, you can do." ~ Bob Ross

"The future is always uncertain and painful but it must be lived." ~ Unknown
Hopeflower
Titanium Shortcake
Titanium Shortcake
 
Posts: 18702
Joined: Mon Mar 12, 2007 7:17 pm
Location: NY, USA

Postby dinoman666 » Wed Jul 11, 2007 5:58 pm

Very well written. Sucks? I think not!
"Heroes have morals. Villains have work ethic."
-Megatron
User avatar
dinoman666
Wyvern
Wyvern
 
Posts: 16382
Joined: Tue May 15, 2007 8:55 pm
Location: Wouldn't you like to know?

Postby Hopeflower » Wed Jul 11, 2007 6:10 pm

Thanks. Glad you enjoyed reading it. :)
"Gotta have a little sadness once in a while so you know when the good times come."
"Talent is a pursued interest. In other words, anything that you're willing to practice, you can do." ~ Bob Ross

"The future is always uncertain and painful but it must be lived." ~ Unknown
Hopeflower
Titanium Shortcake
Titanium Shortcake
 
Posts: 18702
Joined: Mon Mar 12, 2007 7:17 pm
Location: NY, USA

Postby Iceking » Thu Jul 12, 2007 9:39 pm

silver's story is very good.
User avatar
Iceking
Leviathan
Leviathan
 
Posts: 15972
Joined: Sat Apr 28, 2007 6:34 pm
Location: crozet, virginia

Postby Hopeflower » Thu Jul 12, 2007 9:46 pm

Thanks. Glad you enjoyed it.
"Gotta have a little sadness once in a while so you know when the good times come."
"Talent is a pursued interest. In other words, anything that you're willing to practice, you can do." ~ Bob Ross

"The future is always uncertain and painful but it must be lived." ~ Unknown
Hopeflower
Titanium Shortcake
Titanium Shortcake
 
Posts: 18702
Joined: Mon Mar 12, 2007 7:17 pm
Location: NY, USA

Postby Doc 42 » Thu Jul 12, 2007 9:52 pm

I was wondering where Silver came from. Thanks for posting it was good.
Doc 42
Cool Guy Moderator
Cool Guy Moderator
 
Posts: 8618
Joined: Fri Jan 05, 2007 9:20 pm
Location: Ireland

Postby Hopeflower » Thu Jul 12, 2007 9:55 pm

Thanks a lot. I'm glad you liked it.
"Gotta have a little sadness once in a while so you know when the good times come."
"Talent is a pursued interest. In other words, anything that you're willing to practice, you can do." ~ Bob Ross

"The future is always uncertain and painful but it must be lived." ~ Unknown
Hopeflower
Titanium Shortcake
Titanium Shortcake
 
Posts: 18702
Joined: Mon Mar 12, 2007 7:17 pm
Location: NY, USA

Postby TyrannoTitan » Thu Jul 12, 2007 10:18 pm

Again, you did a very nice job with Silver's story. It really clears things up.
TyrannoTitan
 

Postby Hopeflower » Thu Jul 12, 2007 10:32 pm

Thanks again. :)
"Gotta have a little sadness once in a while so you know when the good times come."
"Talent is a pursued interest. In other words, anything that you're willing to practice, you can do." ~ Bob Ross

"The future is always uncertain and painful but it must be lived." ~ Unknown
Hopeflower
Titanium Shortcake
Titanium Shortcake
 
Posts: 18702
Joined: Mon Mar 12, 2007 7:17 pm
Location: NY, USA

Postby dinoman666 » Thu Jul 12, 2007 11:09 pm

Cool story about Silver too.
"Heroes have morals. Villains have work ethic."
-Megatron
User avatar
dinoman666
Wyvern
Wyvern
 
Posts: 16382
Joined: Tue May 15, 2007 8:55 pm
Location: Wouldn't you like to know?

Postby Iceking » Thu Jul 12, 2007 11:12 pm

there are still many mysteries of what happened to silver's parents.
User avatar
Iceking
Leviathan
Leviathan
 
Posts: 15972
Joined: Sat Apr 28, 2007 6:34 pm
Location: crozet, virginia

Postby Hopeflower » Thu Jul 12, 2007 11:18 pm

I'm still working that part out. If I ever write it, I'll put it up.
"Gotta have a little sadness once in a while so you know when the good times come."
"Talent is a pursued interest. In other words, anything that you're willing to practice, you can do." ~ Bob Ross

"The future is always uncertain and painful but it must be lived." ~ Unknown
Hopeflower
Titanium Shortcake
Titanium Shortcake
 
Posts: 18702
Joined: Mon Mar 12, 2007 7:17 pm
Location: NY, USA

Postby Iceking » Thu Jul 12, 2007 11:23 pm

sound cool.
User avatar
Iceking
Leviathan
Leviathan
 
Posts: 15972
Joined: Sat Apr 28, 2007 6:34 pm
Location: crozet, virginia

Postby Hopeflower » Wed Jul 18, 2007 10:44 pm

Raven's history and what happened to Silver's family is up!

:)
"Gotta have a little sadness once in a while so you know when the good times come."
"Talent is a pursued interest. In other words, anything that you're willing to practice, you can do." ~ Bob Ross

"The future is always uncertain and painful but it must be lived." ~ Unknown
Hopeflower
Titanium Shortcake
Titanium Shortcake
 
Posts: 18702
Joined: Mon Mar 12, 2007 7:17 pm
Location: NY, USA

Postby TyrannoTitan » Wed Jul 18, 2007 10:47 pm

VERY creative, having Riptide kill both Steeltalon's and Silver's families. Very nicely written, as well.
TyrannoTitan
 

Postby Doc 42 » Wed Jul 18, 2007 10:48 pm

Lol, looks like Riptide is guilty of more than one or two murders.
I was wondering what exactly had happened to all of them thanks for posting
Doc 42
Cool Guy Moderator
Cool Guy Moderator
 
Posts: 8618
Joined: Fri Jan 05, 2007 9:20 pm
Location: Ireland

Postby Hopeflower » Wed Jul 18, 2007 10:49 pm

Thank you. Glad you liked it.
"Gotta have a little sadness once in a while so you know when the good times come."
"Talent is a pursued interest. In other words, anything that you're willing to practice, you can do." ~ Bob Ross

"The future is always uncertain and painful but it must be lived." ~ Unknown
Hopeflower
Titanium Shortcake
Titanium Shortcake
 
Posts: 18702
Joined: Mon Mar 12, 2007 7:17 pm
Location: NY, USA

Next

Return to Single Writer Fiction

Who is online

Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 2 guests

cron