The Legendary Dragon

Have you got a game, book or movie you'd like to make a story out of? Want to expand on a story or plot that stopped? Have an original idea for a story that you want to post somewhere? Here's where to do it. Basically an RPG where one player controls ALL characters in the story.

The Legendary Dragon

Postby Legendary Elite » Thu May 15, 2008 10:32 am

Yes I am taking a break from my Elite Fanfic as I want to redo it from scratch. It came out all wrong for me but Characters will remain the same the next time I redo it. Besides with this dragon fanfic I have started (and actually have been planning this for quite sometime), I have much better freedom unlike with a Halo fanfic, you can't really do that. Things have to be within that particuliar universe, whereas this is my own created universe. Understand that I typed this up once and then had to redo it because DeviantArt had trouble in submission and so I had none of it saved (a lesson learned that next time to type it up in Word and then Copy and Paste and SAVE IT!) and well it may have been a rush but I remembered all of it. Oh and yes I do accept all criticism. MAKE IT CONSTRUCTIVE THOUGH (e.g. my friend said "Your writing is superb, only the description of the environment could be more detailed." etc), though I am sure all of you are honest people. Criticism is good, I can use it to improve. Oh and if you think it's good, state why it is. So here you go:


Chapter 1: Darkness Gaping

"My memories...they speak to insects they scurry and dispute to achieve my mind's attention...but I am just one being..."

The beautiful sky blue was what surrounded the large valley as Legendarus walked along in a patient mood, his tail sweeping across the grass, like as if he were smoothing a large pile of sand. Legendarus was a young dragon of a particuliar species called the “Ancient Dragons.” A species rare but known in this realm for a small colony of them inhabited this place. Legendarus’ tail had four long spikes, capable of causing serious sting to an adversary. His four feet each had four toenails that were sharp, allowing for good grip or slashing if necessary. His wings were of the leathery sort, light but strong, especially in a storm. Aside from the small scales that ran along his back all the way to his head, his skin was of a fine dark green. Along the body was small markings, similar to slash marks and in sets of three. Along the start of the neckbone and just above the torso, the chest area was couple of stripes, one green and the one above it, gold. At the back of his head, joined to the cheekbone, and covering the small hole that formed the ear was four strange leaf-like protrusions which were able to flap back and forth at once. If Legendarus was angry, these would flare up and spread out in front like a fan and giving him a terrifying appearance, making it him look like a frilled lizard. On the top of Legendarus’ head was a large bump that was covered up by the small hair membranes on the top that were shaped up into a crown. It appeared to be a “second nostril” some thought. Legendarus’s eyes were of emerald, making him seem like mystery to some. He let out a yawn as he walked across a small hill and then walked down it as he walked towards another. Two silver horns grew at the back of his head. The yawn revealed the small sharp fangs that ran along his jaws. However, though all dragons were meat-eaters, the Ancient Dragons were also plant-eaters and it was very rare for dragons to eat any form of plantation, Ancient Dragons though were omnivorous.

As Legendarus walked onward, he noticed a pine tree on the hillside and out of curiosity, walked up to it and leapt onto its trunk and decided to climb up to the top, using his claws as grip and his leg muscles to drive him upward to the top. He burst through the top and used his neck to stretch out and look around. Only the clouds were there, soaring above him however. Suddenly, a voice came out from behind. It was young and friendly sound.
“You really love to climb trees don’t you?” Said the voice.
Legendarus swerved around to see the Black Dragon Serrakle watching him, smiling. Legendarus peered down at her in embarassment.
“Well I’ll have you know that I like exploring thank you very much!” He said with a hint of humour.
Serrakle shook her head in amusement at how foolish she thought he looked. Serrakle was black all over her skin, with a set of white and grey stripey patterns that ran along her body. Her claws were longer and more sharper. Her scales were also long and pointy. Her mouth was shaped in a beak-shape only it wasn’t a beak. She also had protrusions but thinner and weren’t able to flap, they were spikes, 5 on both sides of her with smaller horns growing next to the main horns. Her wings were of ruby colour as was her underbelly. Her tail was long, almost in the form of a whip or chain. Her tail was like a curved leaf, where it curved off it became sharp, like a scythe or sickle. Serrakle was a year younger than Legendarus but still, it wasn’t by a huge margin. They were good friends. As Legendarus looked back up, something caught the corner of his eye all of a sudden and so he lost his footing whilst he was distracted and fell out of the tree and hit the ground, head first.

Legendarus got back up in embarrassment and annoyance and was rather irritated now, especially with Serrakle trying to hold in her laughter. He shook himself down from the dirt and brushed himself on the torso. Serrakle couldn’t help it and let it out before realizing that Legendarus was looking up into the sky and so she stopped laughing and went into a serious mood and walked over next to him.
“I saw something in the sky, it was a strange light.” He said with wonder.
“It could be a shooting star.” She replied.
“No, this was no star, it flashed multiple colours.”
“Maybe Dremus knows, we should go see him.”
“Perhaps. He does know a lot about anomally’s.” He said, nodding before turning his head forward and then hopping forward and spreading his wings, taking flight. Serrakle followed suite and quickly caught up to him as they flew onward.

Not far away along the mountainside that loomed over the valley, something landed down on it, a small stone fell down to the ground below. The thing watched as it rolled and plummeted downward. There, the creature growled lowly. It was watching the two dragons…and hunting them….
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Postby Doc 42 » Sat May 17, 2008 2:06 am

I'm going to reserve my judgement untill the next or so chapter. Only thought about this one was the heavy focus on what they all looked like rather than insights into who they were. From this chapter, I basicly get "Legendarus= likes trees. doesnt like things that fly in the sky
Serrakle= likes to laugh at Legendarus. Doesnt like when others look at the sky"
"**** off TT"-Doc 42

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Postby Legendary Elite » Sat May 17, 2008 4:22 am

Nah that's fine Doc. Still I'm glad someone reads it.
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Postby TyrannoTitan » Sat May 17, 2008 4:41 am

Alot of people read fanfics, but don't post about them. Pointless? Yes :P

Anyway, my thoughts are similiar to Doc's. You described the character's appearences wonderfully, but you seriously lacked in revieling their personalities, even for the beginning of a story. Another improvement: Grammer. The sentences reffering to the dragon's eating habbits really didn't make sense. All dragons were carnivorous, but the Ancients ate plants. I guess they weren't all carnivorous then :P

And "plantation". There is no such word, as far as I'm aware of. Besides those faults, its a good fanfic. Keep it up, it'd be interesting to see what happens next.

Postby Legendary Elite » Sat May 17, 2008 8:54 am

actually plantation is a word. Seriously, it's in the dictionary. Anyway, yeah I guess I wanted a dragon that was different but not "magically" different (e.g. They are able to cast abilities better than others for example which isn't actually true). But hey, it's not every day you hear about a herbivourous dragon :lol:, because dragons are always seen as man-eaters and livestock hunters and house burners, nothing more (in most stories that is, then again, it is a generalisation of the term "Dragon" and is how we see that myth in our society today). And, apart from the Eragon Series (you rarely hear about it but during the book Eldest, when Eragon and Saphira are sent Elessmera the Elves city, they eat plants and no meat but it's not such a huge topic that they go into in the series, perhaps a chapter or more but that's it), I have not seen a book that has a dragon eating plants.

Anyway thanks for the commentary, it's good. Don't worry, I plan on elaborating on the character's personalities much more as the story progresses, rather than just do it all in a single chapter, it'd be too much for me.
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