Spinax; Raptor breakout

Have you got a game, book or movie you'd like to make a story out of? Want to expand on a story or plot that stopped? Have an original idea for a story that you want to post somewhere? Here's where to do it. Basically an RPG where one player controls ALL characters in the story.

Spinax; Raptor breakout

Postby Spiketopus ಠ,ಠ » Sat Sep 27, 2008 9:04 pm

ugh no
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Postby Tediz » Sat Sep 27, 2008 9:32 pm

... This website should have a Dino Themed Skin. It's Decent Spin
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Postby Spiketopus ಠ,ಠ » Sat Sep 27, 2008 9:44 pm

Tediz wrote:... This website should have a Dino Themed Skin. It's Decent Spin

Yeah a dino skin would be not bad, the background should be the picture showing Rex and Spino face-to-face :P
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Postby C S » Sun Nov 02, 2008 2:49 pm

.....this is quite bad, sorry to say. Its the style it was written in, not descriptive. Plus, it seems to not take its self seriously, actually calling the gaurds "dummies?" *which is true, adding to the sense of retardation, giving the sense that the story doesnt take its self seriously* And whats so special about Spinax? He doesnt seem to be anything other than a Spinosaur in an illogical world, much less king of anything....
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Postby Spiketopus ಠ,ಠ » Sun Nov 02, 2008 6:11 pm

nope
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Postby Doc 42 » Sun Nov 02, 2008 6:17 pm

Then TELL him whats so special about spinax, even better, write a STORY on why spinax is so special, and whats with the whole "everything sucks with me?" comment?
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Postby C S » Sun Nov 02, 2008 6:19 pm

How DID he become king of the dinosars? From what I read, Crusher can beat him easy. If you say other wise, prove it by writing better fan fics that show him being the "epic ruler" you say he is
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Postby Spiketopus ಠ,ಠ » Sun Nov 02, 2008 6:22 pm

no
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Postby C S » Sun Nov 02, 2008 6:29 pm

...........thats just like Crusher, which leads to that story being generic, and not special at all....
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Postby TyrannoTitan » Sun Nov 02, 2008 6:50 pm

CS, easy. If you want to help Spinax improve the character or even the story, that's one thing, but continuing to argue about Crusher's status compared to Spinax's is a no-no.

Anyway, Spinax, all I can say is improve your spelling and grammar. Just take more time on FanFics, make sure everything is spelled correctly and make sure a chapter is larger then just a few sentences.

As for character development, even the TITLE of this FanFic would cause confusion; it sounds like a sequel to a book or something. Its like giving someone the 4th book in a series, without letting them read the first 3, and expecting them to know everything about it.

My advice is to make a fanfic in which you describe Spinax's rise to power in whatever world he is in. Again, the fanfic was just making us ASSUME who these characters were, not giving any background on them at all.

And finally, as for Spinax being the King of dinosaurs: WHY is he king? I mean, The Kingpin has explained Crusher's background in Isla Sorna Stories, and has even acted out major parts of his life within the RPG, and all of that experience resulted in him becoming the most dominant predator. He didn't kill ONE dinosaur to become the King; he had A LOT of enemies from very early on in his life, and the fact that he managed to overcome them as well as raise a family and survive on a place as dangerous as Sorna, made him a very impressive character, and deserving of his title.

See where I'm going with this? To us, Spinax is a random dinosaur, and you can't be angered by that fact. You have made no move to PROVE Spinax's title, just said "He is King" and left it at that...
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Postby Spiketopus ಠ,ಠ » Sun Nov 02, 2008 7:08 pm

no
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Postby C S » Sun Nov 02, 2008 8:20 pm

Again, this has the same writting style as Raptors break out, and much more, it actually has cusses outside of dailouge...

er, lets just say its better, but needs more detail and a different writting style that doesnt sound like a hyper kid spazzing out over his/her favorite superhero
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Postby Spiketopus ಠ,ಠ » Sun Nov 02, 2008 8:26 pm

Compy Scavenger wrote:Again, this has the same writting style as Raptors break out, and much more, it actually has cusses outside of dailouge...

er, lets just say its better, but needs more detail and a different writting style that doesnt sound like a hyper kid spazzing out over his/her favorite superhero

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Thanks for saying me what's wrong
It's a bit hard to detail when you don't know the word :roll:
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Postby C S » Sun Nov 02, 2008 8:30 pm

oh, it helps that you be realistic (Or, if its not mean to be realistic then ignore this) dont have things like "people watching carnivores fight like idiots" it undermines the epic that you might want to project by having Spinax fight
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Postby TyrannoTitan » Sun Nov 02, 2008 8:30 pm

Indeed, there are fewer mistakes, spelling and grammar wise, but its still in need of improvement...

Anyway, I think its good for a CHAPTER, not an entire FanFic, if that's what you made it as. Killing his two rivals is a start, but it still doesn't make him extraordinary.

Also, if the thing at the end was meant to be what Spinax the dino said, then...Dinosaurs don't swear...Well, we allow characters to swear a bit in ISS, but nothing that makes them sound like a trucker...
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Postby Spiketopus ಠ,ಠ » Sun Nov 02, 2008 8:50 pm

Okay
So let's say this first thing was the first chapter
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