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Seraphim

PostPosted: Mon Nov 03, 2008 10:21 pm
by Zephyr
PROLOGUE

It was a world tossed in turmoil. Darkness clouded the sky like ink, and cities were burned and razed by the armies of darkness. The beasts pillaged and ransacked every village that stood in their way. Fields were reduced to ash and lush forests became barren wastelands. The Supreme Lord Dragazz, adorned in fearsome armor with pitchblack sword and protected by the devil's veil slaughtered all who would dare oppose him, young and old, women and children. His one and only goal... to conquer the corners of the globe. He was master of the sky and earth, and overseen all in his domain. But when a force rivaling his own power was formed, he saw fit to destroy it before it could do him harm.

Unprovoked he attacked mercilessly and laid waste to the city of Grenwald, home of the alliance that would strike back at him. From the west wall the forces of the alliance fell to heavily armored cavalry, the meager footmen standing little chance. from the north came an attack from the viscious Wyvern Brigade, merciless sky riders of Dragazz's forces. They dove in slaying those within the walls of the stronghold, blasting fire and destroying the seige weapons that posed a great threat to the vast armies coming from every direction. From the east, mercenaries, barbarians and assorted outlaw bought by reward of land and gold charged and infiltrated the walls with grappling hooks as alliance archers attempted to shoot down or dehook those who climbed while being shot at themselves. And from the south the Supreme Lord himself marching in on his nightmare steed followed closely by catapults and battering rams and slaying all who came within reach. All hope was lost as the bloody swath tore through the ranks of the alliance.

The walls soon fell from the four-pronged attack and in his fury Dragazz leveled the keep to a pile of rubble and mounted the heads of the alliances council on pikes. From that day he declared rulership of all the lands surrounding and threatened all that those who did not obey would be hunted down and slain brutally with unimaginable torture and punishment.

However something happened, the city was in ruins with no signs of life other the Dragazz's soldiers but from the ashes arose a form, one man who with a glowing blade of white light, and six angelic wings, stood alone against the feared general. Dragazz knew this was no mere mortal but was certain he would not fail to kill this man. The two began a duel to the death, with consequences of epic proportions from earthquakes to lightning storms.

They battled day in and day out with each clash of their swords illuminating the night in bursts of light. One scholar declared that each strike emitted the sound of a thunderclap as the powerful warriors twisted and turned rapidly trying to get the better of eachother, but with each turn the other quickly matched the blow and then reposted to make his own strike which to was countered one after the other. Each showed little sign of exhaustion, showing the inhuman power they both wielded.

Daybreak came and the two figures stood unfazed by the long night of dueling. Staring eachother down the wind blew gently as it finally died down from the storms, the earth no longer shook from the great quakes. One scholar writes that in these last moments of combat the feared lord of darkness stated " You have fought well Divine One but there can only be one immortal in this world" The six-winged angel had no reply and only stared with glowing white eyes. "Die" the general yelled as he charged forward, a vortex of darkness forming around his blade as he held it trailing behind him. The angel to charged, his own blade's light intensifying suddenly and he beat his wings once in syncronization and there was a great flash that could be seen for miles as a cyclone of the two energies launched straight into the heavens. After several seconds it dissipated showing only the angelic figure standing. This scholar, the only witness to the epic battle, lost his sight seconds after the cyclone at vanished and he remembers his last sight being the six wings dissapearing into the figures back before darkness overtook him.

500 years later a celebration is being held in both the anniversary of the feared general's apparent defeat at the hands of the gods, and the coming of age ceremony for the Princess Lianna...

PostPosted: Mon Nov 03, 2008 10:46 pm
by C S
This fan fic has a lot of potential, but has a few flaws that take away al lot in my eyes

It ould be great if you didnt start it off like a plot hole filler, but instead described the general's attacks as if it was actually happening. Same with the battle with the angel guy. And the fact the title is all caps is kinda annoying...

thats all I would liek to see improvements on

PostPosted: Mon Nov 03, 2008 11:14 pm
by Zephyr
Understandable i did rush it do to lack of available time i'll make adjustments soon or some other time before i go for the first chapter

PostPosted: Tue Nov 04, 2008 9:41 pm
by Doc 42
I like, Good prologue, straight and up front. But only good, could be improved, but from what it looks like you achieved what you aimed for.

Also, Angels kick ***. Esspeicially Seraph :P

PostPosted: Tue Nov 04, 2008 10:25 pm
by C S
now this is good.

looking foward for the other chapters