Asylum for the Verbally Insane

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Asylum for the Verbally Insane

Postby Evil Eye » Sun Feb 08, 2009 10:31 pm

Not mine.

Asylum For The Verbally Insane
We'll begin with a box, and the plural is boxes,
But the plural of ox, becomes oxen, not oxes,
One fowl is a goose, but two are called geese,
Yet the plural of moose should never be meese,
You may find a lone mouse or a nest full of mice,
Yet the plural of house is houses, not hice,
If the plural of man is always called men,
Why shouldn't the plural of pan be called pen?

If I speak of my foot and show you my feet,
And I give you a boot, would a pair be called beet?
If one is a tooth and a whole set are teeth,
Why shouldn't the plural of booth be called beeth?

Then one may be that, and three would be those,
Yet hat in plural would never be hose,
And the plural of cat is cats, not cose.
We speak of a brother and and also of brethren,
But though we say mother, we never say methren.

Then masculine pronouns are he, his, and him,
But imagine the feminine: she, shis, and shim!
There is no egg in eggplant nor ham in hamburger;
neither apple nor pine in pineapple.

English muffins weren't invented in England.

We take English for granted, but if we explore its paradoxes,
We find that quicksand can work slowly, boxing rings are square, and
a guinea pig is neither from Guinea nor is it a pig.
And why is it that writers write but fingers don't fing,
Grocers don't groce and hammers don't ham.
Doesn't it seem crazy that you can make amends but not just one amend?
If you have a bunch of odds and ends and get rid of all but one of the, what do you call it?

If teachers taught, why didn't preachers praught?
If a vegetarian eats vegetables, what does a humanitarian eat?
Sometimes I think all folks who grew up speaking English,
Should be committed to an asylum for the verbally insane.
In what other language do people recite at a play and play at a recital?
We ship by truck but send cargo by ship.
We have noses that run and feet that smell.
We park in a driveway and drive in a parkway.
And how can a slim chance and a fat chance be the same, while a wise man and a wise guy are opposites?
you have to marvel at the unique lunacy of a language in which your house can burn up as it burns down, in which you fill in a form by filling it out, and in which an alarm goes off by going on.
So if Father is Pop, how come Mother isn't Mop?
Down on your marrowbones and pray!
Evil Eye
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