Jokes: Take Your Best Shot

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Jokes: Take Your Best Shot

Postby The Kingpin » Wed Oct 25, 2006 10:42 pm

Jokes.....they make us laugh....they makes us cry. They make us laugh until we cry, and sometimes make us cry til we laugh. more often than not, the person doing the latter ends up in an insane asylum. now, the purpose of this topic is to make your fellow members laugh their a**es off. put in as many jokes as you like, but not in one go. post one joke a day, every other post, but the main thing is you make them last, and let people take in the previous jokes. * FIX'D *. it can be a normal joke, or a one liner, or a yo momma joke. anything goes, as long as it isn't adult rated.


here's mine:

Yo momma so fat i had to take 3 planes, 10 trains, 16 buses and 50 cabs just to get on her good side!
"Ah yes, organised chaos. the sign of a clever but ever-busy mind. To the perpetrator, a carefully woven web of belongings and intrigue, but to the bystander? Madness!"
–William Beckett, Lore of Leyuna RPG

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Postby TyrannoTitan » Wed Oct 25, 2006 10:58 pm

here is mine:

Yo mama so fat she had to go to Sea World to get baptized!
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Postby Peter the Reaper » Thu Oct 26, 2006 11:38 am

Here's a good one:
politicians.
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Postby The Kingpin » Thu Oct 26, 2006 12:42 pm

haha very funny....now........where's the joke? :P

another one:
4 Surgeons were sitting in a bar after work, talking about their favourite pacients to operate on.
the first one said "my favourite people to work on are librarians, because their insides are in alphabetical order.". the second one said "that's it? my favourite people to work on are mathamaticians, because their organs are marked with numbers.". the third one said "nice. i like working on electronics technicians, since their insides are colour coded.". the fourth one laughed and said "i've got you all beat. i like working on lawyers, because their spineless, gutless, heartless and their heads and a**es are interchangable!"
Last edited by The Kingpin on Fri May 25, 2007 6:55 pm, edited 1 time in total.
"Ah yes, organised chaos. the sign of a clever but ever-busy mind. To the perpetrator, a carefully woven web of belongings and intrigue, but to the bystander? Madness!"
–William Beckett, Lore of Leyuna RPG

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Postby o-eternal-o » Sun Nov 05, 2006 11:02 am

:lol: i like that one

I'm not too good with jokes, but this is one that i can remember:

A man was in a mental asylum. The nurse came in and opened the window as it was quite stuffy inside the room. The man saw his escape and jumped out, and ran down the road. He enterred a phone box and called the mental asylum.

A woman answered the phone. The man asked "Is there anyone in room 302?" The woman didn't know and went to check. She came back and picked up the phone. "No, the room is empty" She answered. The man replied "Haha! I've escaped!"
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Postby Peter the Reaper » Mon Nov 06, 2006 12:06 pm

That's a good one.
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Postby o-eternal-o » Mon Nov 06, 2006 6:04 pm

thanks :)
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Postby klkuni » Tue Dec 12, 2006 12:38 am

alright this one i can remember

alright so there is three guys right and they start talking about there sons"so one of the guys says my boy is succsesful he owns a stock market and he just gave one of his friends a stock,anoter guys says my son is succsesful he own a realistat agenntsy and just gave one of his friends a house,the last guy says my son is succsesful he owns a car company and just gave one of his friends a car well this guy over hears these guys and goes over to them and says i hear your talking about your sons well i don't know if my son is succsesful but he is Gay and his last three boy friends gave him a car a stock and a house
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Postby Snowstalker » Sun Jan 07, 2007 2:22 pm

I have one. It's a blonde joke, so sorry if it's offensive:

A blonde goes to a barber shop. She has headphones on, so the barber tells her to take them off. She says "NO!", and goes to another barber. He says the same thing. She says "NO!" again, so the barber pulls them off. After a little bit, the blonde drops dead. The barber is confused and shocked, so he puts the headphones on. He hears this: "Breathe in, breathe out, breathe in, breathe out..."
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Postby JohnVMaster » Tue Jan 09, 2007 2:10 am

Why did the kid fart in the car?
Because they needed gas

Knock, knock
--Who's there?
Me
--Me who?
Me not you!
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Postby psycho_lad » Fri Jun 01, 2007 8:38 pm

Theres a lind man with his walking dog waiting at a bus stop. Well they are sitting there, waiting and waiting. Well while sitting there the mans dog urinates on his leg. And in the proccess a lady is walking by. She stops and notices it, and as the dog finishes the man starts to pet the dog. And in pure shock, she says "Why are you petting that dog?, it just pee'd on your leg". "I'm not petting it" the man repleid. "Well it sure as hell looks like it" she says. He says "No, no, no, I'm trying to find its *** so i can kick it".

- =) -
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Postby Iceking » Fri Jun 01, 2007 9:18 pm

here's one. its dumb but, here goes:what am i thinking? you'll never know becuase i'm thinking about nothing.
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Postby DI7789 » Fri Jun 01, 2007 9:34 pm

Heres my attempt: A cricket team are in their locker room after a match, a mobile phone rings and one of the players answers it, the voice on the other end begins to talk, "hey hubby, I was passing by a shop window and I saw this beautiful red dress, only £70..." The player replies, "ok, you can have it, but only 'cos its just £70" she continues, "and I saw this brilliant sparkling diamond ring in a jewellers..."
"how much?"
"a grand." The player looks like he is thinking for a moment, he replies, "ok, but keep it to a thousand"
"Oh thanks, and there was this really stylish blue car, about 75,000..."
"Alright, try 60,000 first, then give them the asking price."
"Wow, your a great husband, see you when you get home."

By now, the entire locker room is astounded by this man's willingness to spend £66,070 for his wife, he turns off the mobile and turns around, "does anyone know who's phone this is?..."
"Its like I was attacked by some kind of...dinosaur"
-Regina, not realising what this sentence meant for her future

"You are the most insolent child I have ever had the misfortune to teach!"
"Thank you"
-Catherine Tate and David Tennant Comic Relief 2007
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Postby C S » Sat Jun 02, 2007 1:37 am

this is really funny.


A guy goes into a bar. He sees a beutiful woman. He says: Hey, want a drink? She says: No, they are bad for my legs. He replies: They get big? She says: No, they spread...
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Postby Stallordasaurus Rex » Sat Jun 02, 2007 1:51 pm

Ok heres a good one

THere are three guys. Poop,Manners,and Shutup.
they were walking down the street when Poop feel down. Shutup went to the police. the Police said "May I have your name?" Shutup said "Shutup"
The police said "Hey! Where are your manners?" Shutup pointed outside to Manners tryiing to help Poop get up. "On the street picking up poop.."
"I attack you: You did something wrong. You attack me: ...You did something wrong."
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Postby C S » Mon Jun 04, 2007 11:17 pm

heres one.



A blonde goes to an electronics store. she says " may i have this t.v?"
The casheir says no. The blonde goes back and asks the same thing with the same answer. She asks "well why not!" he says "because thats a microwave................."
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Postby Shadow » Thu Jun 07, 2007 8:08 pm

Two girls walk into a bar, you would have thought one of them would have noticed it first.
When you want it the most there's no easy way out
When you're ready to go and your heart's left in doubt
Don't give up on your faith
Love comes to those who believe it
And that's the way it is
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Postby DI7789 » Thu Jun 07, 2007 8:15 pm

Lol

SEXIST JOKE!

One woman and two men are hanging from a rope suspended from a helicopter, but the rope couldn't hold all three of them at the same time, one of them had to jump, and they argued as to who should jump. Eventually, the woman makes a heartfelt speech about how she, like other women would give up her life so that the men could go on and save themselves. At the end of the speech, both men applauded...
"Its like I was attacked by some kind of...dinosaur"
-Regina, not realising what this sentence meant for her future

"You are the most insolent child I have ever had the misfortune to teach!"
"Thank you"
-Catherine Tate and David Tennant Comic Relief 2007
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Postby The Kingpin » Fri Oct 19, 2007 11:23 pm

Here's a joke one of my friends told me the other day. little note: rules for this convo removed. talk about jokes as much as you like.

second note: this is in no way intended to insult anyone. this is simply talking about some of the street sweeps that you may come across around Kuwait.

So there was this Kuwaiti who bought a 4x4 SUV. he parked it outside the market one day and went in to shop. while he was inside an Egyptian street cleaner walked past, drunk. he saw the back of the car and saw the "4x4" written on the back. "Four x four................" he says while looking at it. he pulls out a little bar of metal
"equals 16!" he says. he scrapes "=16" on the back of the car, next to the 4x4 sign then walks off. the Kuwaiti comes out a little while after and sees it. "what the? who's the ******* who scraped my car?". he takes it to get it painted. few weeks later he comes back to go shopping, parks his car and goes in. same Egyptian comes by...drunk again and sees the car. "Four x Four.......". he pulls out the piece of metal and yells "EQUALS 16!". he scrapes "=16" in BIG writing on the back of the car, next to the 4x4 sign. and stumbles off. this time the Kuwaiti sees him walking off. but he doesn't want to get into the complication of dealing with a drunk when he was already running a bit late for lunch. so he goes home and later takes the car to get it painted again. and this time he has them stick on "=16" with vinyls. next to the 4x4 sign. few days later he parks the car at the same place with a satisfied look on his face. there was NO WAY that Egyptian would touch the car now...right?! so he goes in. Egyptian comes by, drunk AGAIN. he sees the car. stares at it stupidly for a few moments. then pulls out the piece of metal. "CORRECT! 10/10! BRAVO!". he scrapes it onto the back of the car
"Ah yes, organised chaos. the sign of a clever but ever-busy mind. To the perpetrator, a carefully woven web of belongings and intrigue, but to the bystander? Madness!"
–William Beckett, Lore of Leyuna RPG

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Postby Legendary Elite » Wed Dec 05, 2007 11:05 pm

lmao! That's a good one KP! :D
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