Jokes: Take Your Best Shot

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Postby C S » Wed Dec 05, 2007 11:16 pm

indeed. the never ending cycle of drunks
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Postby Legendary Elite » Mon Jan 28, 2008 11:43 am

Ok, I have a good one my aunt told me this night.

There's this woman who has trouble with her fridge, it isn't working. So she calls the guy to fix the fridge and the next day the guy arrives to fix the fridge and the woman waits outside for him. So she tells him that "I'll leave the door open for you. However I have a very large dog, simply ignore it and whatever you do, do not talk to the parrot." Anyway the guy walks into the house and sees there's a very big dog. The man though ignores the dog and the dog ignores him and so he sets out to work on the fridge and repair it. However, there is also a parrot which continues to sqawk and carry-on to the man. Eventually the man gets so annoyed that he yells at the bird "Shutup!" and that's when the bird says "Get him rex!".
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Postby Zephyr » Mon Jan 28, 2008 10:32 pm

thats pretty good


okay i dont know if anyone had heard this one

i dont mean to offend any blondes wiht this one, my friend told me it

Alright, theres a blonde driving down the highway in her SUV and she see's another blonde in the middle of the street rowing a canoe. The blonde with the SUV pulls up next to her and asks, What are you doing? The second blonde says, im trying to get to the store but my canoe wont move can you help me? The first blonde shakes her head in disgust and yells at the second, It's blondes like you that make the rest of us look bad! If i could swim i would go over there and slap you!
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Postby Legendary Elite » Tue Jan 29, 2008 6:34 am

Not bad, took me a few seconds to understand it but yeah, that's quite good.
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Postby Shadow » Sat Feb 09, 2008 1:50 pm

You've probably heard this one before but...

What breaks when you say it?
Silence.
When you want it the most there's no easy way out
When you're ready to go and your heart's left in doubt
Don't give up on your faith
Love comes to those who believe it
And that's the way it is
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Postby Dilophosaurus_Freak » Fri Feb 15, 2008 4:29 am

Yo mamma is so ugly, when she stared out of the window she got arrested for mooning.

Okay not to be mean, im not offending anybody

There was a flood one day and a priest was on a roof of a house. A boat came by and said, " Come aboard we'll save you!" the priest said, " No god will save me!" The boat continued on when a helicopter came and shouted, " Come aboard, we'll save you!" The priest refused as saying the same lines. Then finally a navy marine sumbarine came and said the same thing. The priest refused again saying god would save him. The priest died of drowning and was in heaven. The priest asked, " Why didn't you save me?" God answered,"I did! I sent you a helicopter, a boat, and a marine sumbarine!"
Owwwwwww

That hurts
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Postby TyrantTR » Fri Feb 15, 2008 4:57 am

Dilophosaurus_Freak wrote:Yo mamma is so ugly, when she stared out of the window she got arrested for mooning.


Wow thats an old one.

Yo momma so ugly when she threw a boomerang it never came back.

Thats an old one too.

Yo momma so scary she made an onion cry.

And that one.
Well James Bond Chinchilla and Monsta Pacman gets old after a year or so of absence. >_> Methinks I'll leave this blank until I come up with something to put here.
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Postby Raptor Llama » Fri Feb 15, 2008 5:03 am

Wanna here a scary story?

Ok.

Rated X27 for EXTREME HORROR

PROCEED WITH CAUTION
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Code: Select all
Warning: The following story is not appropiate for people under the age of 27. Proceed with caution, as this as horrifing as text gets. We are not responsible for any seizeres, faints, deaths, or suicides do to this text. Proceed at your own risk.


Story is after this text:

Your face.
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Postby Zephyr » Fri Feb 15, 2008 10:04 pm

yo mama so fat, she saw a zoo and shouted animal crackers


what now punk 8)
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Postby C S » Fri Feb 15, 2008 10:52 pm

yo momma so poor when she picked up a breadcrumb she yelled out "FEAST!!!!"
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Postby Zephyr » Fri Feb 15, 2008 10:56 pm

mine owned but that was good

yo momma so poor when i walked through her front door i was in her backyard

yo momma so fat she went swimmin in the ocean and the whales sang
" We are FAMILY, even though your fatter then ME!"
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Postby C S » Fri Feb 15, 2008 10:58 pm

I was gonna post that but...

ok, lets go on a more friendly perspective before....ya....
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Postby Zephyr » Fri Feb 15, 2008 11:11 pm

for people these days they just wanna be thin so they waste their time in sweat lodges or reaching to the back of their throat that makes most of the population either cookin or puking

2 guys walk into a bar and the third one ducks...

wait for the laughter

its smoky bears birthday and the other animals told him on the count of three to open his eyes

punchline: the candles are shaped like trees...


theres a sign company and the manager goes to the window and looks out.
He sees bombs blowing up and he says to the sign maker, Well wouldnt you know it!, there goes are market for those things!

the signs say: THE END OF THE WORLD IS COMING

...
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Postby dinoman666 » Mon Feb 25, 2008 2:24 am

What is E.T. short for?

Well his legs aren't very long, are they?

(That was bad, I know. XD)
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Postby Zephyr » Sun Mar 09, 2008 3:27 am

A guy walks into a bar and gets drunk the owner kicks himn out saying your to drunk im not going to serve you.

5 minutes later the drunk guy walks in and shouts get me a beer

the manager kicks him out again, i told you your to drunk im not gonna serve you.

5 minutes later the drunk guy walks in and shouts get me a beer

i told you get out im not serving you any more beer

5 minute the later the guy walks in, Get me a beer!

this is your last chance get out of here!

Say! how many bars do you work at?


Have you read the book "Sh*t on the Wall", the author is Hoo Flung Poo

Have you read the book " Tragedy on a Mountain", it was written by Ilean Over

I have a friend in school named Ben his last name is Dover

I dated a girl who's name was Anitta her last name was Bath
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Postby Gorillaz102 » Wed May 21, 2008 2:02 am

im the new guy, heres a joke for ya.


a duck walks into a bar and walks up to the bar keep, the duck asks him, "do you have any grapes?", the bar keep said, "no". the duck comes back the next morning and askes the bar keep the same question, the bar keep said, "no, don't ask me again", the duck comes back again and asks the bar keep the same question, the bar keep said, "no i don't, ask me that question again and ill nail your feet to the floor!", the duck comes back again and walks up to the bar keep and asks, "do you have any nails?", the keep said "no", the duck then said out loud, "do you have any grapes!?"

dont know if you guys heards this one before, this joke moight be kinda old
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Postby Doc 42 » Wed May 21, 2008 2:03 pm

Ahhhhh that ones a classic.

Ok, you have Paddy English man, Paddy Irish man and Paddy Scotish man.
They are all flying along in a hot air baloon. As they pass over Ireland, Paddy Irish man says "I love Ireland" and drops out a Pound coin. (we use euros now, but this is an old joke)
Later, when they passed over England, Paddy english man says "I love England" And drops a gold bar.
Then, when they passed over Scotland, Paddy Scotish man says "I Hate Scotland" And drops down a grenade.

later that day, Paddy Irish man was walking along in Ireland, he found a boy crying and he asked him "Whats wrong?"
The boy replied "A pound coin fell out of the sky and killed my dad."

Then, Paddy English man was walking along in England, he found a boy crying and he asked him "Whats wrong?"
The boy replied "A gold bar fell out of the sky and Killed my parents"

Then, Paddy Scotish man was walking along in Scotland and he found a boy laughing. He asked "Whats so funny?"
The boy replies "My dad farted and then the school exploded"
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Postby Shade » Sat Jun 14, 2008 9:44 pm

Okay here's a good one, I just made up.
Joke: What do you call 500 teachers at the bottom of the ocean?

Answer: A good start!
Sugar. Spice. Everything twice. I'm the left and the right, in a word: Nice.
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Postby The Kingpin » Fri Jun 27, 2008 1:32 am

here's one for you to chuckle about:

Morris and his wife Esther went to the state fair every year, and every year Morris would say, 'Esther,I'd like to ride in that helicopter.'

Esther always replied, 'I know Morris, but that helicopter ride is fifty dollars, and fifty dollars is fifty dollars'

One year Esther and Morris went to fair, and Morris said, 'Esther, I'm 85 years old. If I don't ride that helicopter, I might never get another chance.'

To this, Esther replied, 'Morris that helicopter ride is fifty dollars, and fifty dollars is fifty dollars.'

The pilot overheard the couple and said, 'Folks I'll make you a deal. I'll take the both of you for a ride. If you can stay quiet for the entire ride and don't say a word I won't charge you a penny! But if you say one word it's fifty dollars.'

Morris and Esther agreed and up they went. The pilot did all kinds of fancy maneuvers, but not a word was heard. He did his daredevil tricks over and over again, but still not a word.

When they landed, the pilot turned to Morris and said, 'By golly, I did everything I could to get you to yell out, but you didn't. I'm impressed!'

Morris replied, 'Well, to tell the truth, I almost said something when Esther fell out, but you know, fifty dollars is fifty dollars!'
"Ah yes, organised chaos. the sign of a clever but ever-busy mind. To the perpetrator, a carefully woven web of belongings and intrigue, but to the bystander? Madness!"
–William Beckett, Lore of Leyuna RPG

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Postby RedRex » Wed Jul 02, 2008 7:17 am

I got one * i dont think its adult * A man gets on a plane with his six kids, and later he is approached by a woman who asks "Are these your kids?" He replies "No, I work for Trojan. These are customer complaints."

And I also know WoW yo momma joke, "Yo momma's so fat, it takes 3 warlocks just to summon her." :)
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