Desperate Gods: The Virtual Board Game

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Desperate Gods: The Virtual Board Game

Postby C S » Sun Nov 25, 2012 5:24 am

The following is an account of a particularly harrowing experience of a player of Desperate Gods. Get the game here: http://www.wolfire.com/desperate-gods


Desperate Gods.

A virtual board game.

A game of epic battles and phat loot.

A game where fate is decided by the roll of two dice.

A game where our moderator cheats at random chance. How can one cheat at random chance? **** if I know but that's what Doc does.

This story is a tale of blood, sweat and tears. Mostly tears. Mostly my own. A game that tested the resolve of all those participating in it. Mostly my own and it showed that after five minutes of nothing flashy happening I end up flipping my **** like oiled up soap in an adequately moistened bath tub. Hell of a simile.

There is an item in the game that allows one to regain health after being the victor of a battle of constitution and vigor. There is another item in the game that allows one to re-roll the die and add their rolls to get one final, super powered attack outcome.

In the two games played at the time of this writing, Doc got both and dominated the game. Dominated. Utterly wrecked the **** out of all he went against. That happened to include me and TT, even when we should have had the upper hand. Doc cheats at random chance, this has been confirmed. Leprechaun swag.

It is the second game. Doc is about to win. Sick of his **** and with a stroke of personal fortune, I am able to take control of his piece for his turn. **** yeah. I send him to his doom, making him lose his OP items and all his money. Doc has fallen. TT and I are superior in whatever scraps we were able to scrounge up. Doc still has all the points but we try to forget that.

We try to strike at him while he is weak. We as in myself. I get my *** kicked. How? Doc cheats at random chance, what else did you think it was? He takes my money and goes on to grow in power. Doc fights TT and ends up victorious. Doc takes control of me and TT, making us lose our advantages striking each other only to end in a draw.


Then the hours pass. The dice rolls become particularly trying for myself, as I find myself in a purgatory with spaces sending me in the direction whence I came, then spaces there sending me back to my start. This, on top of the fact for the entire second game I have been navigating the spaces in the reverse direction. TT and Doc desperately try to rush back into the hell spaces at the center of the board: endgame. Defeating the last Hell Gate card ends the game. TT could not let Doc do it for the sake of giving the green one a big **** you to the face while Doc wanted to end it all so he could get to sleep.

It was around this point that I started losing my **** but I won't linger on that.

Valiant be their efforts, questionable be their motives, Doc and TT endured the grueling dice rolls while I dragged my piece across the board like a text book case of Dwarf Fortress "Stark Raving Mad". All while the most unfitting music track played. It was quite some time before I changed it to something more fitting: the hell theme. Because god damn it, that game was purgatory within a purgatory and no **** you I'm not making an Inception joke.

I find myself once again in control of my peers. I send TT to his doom by an errant roll of the dice. Fack. I send Doc wandering through the dungeon without care of where he landed. I then realized that due to my folly -the folly that created this horrible, horrible mess- I would have to be the one to charge into hell and face the final Hell Gate card. And so I did. I rushed in expecting my dice rolls to be as god awful as they have been for over two hours. The same dice rolls that made me lose to Doc when he was unarmed and helpless. The same ones that had me trudging back and forth across the board. The same ones that got TT stuck or killed in one way or another.

It took a roll of five to slay that final demon.

I rolled a six. The game was over.


Moral of the story: don't **** with a leprechaun for they will bust your kneecaps.
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Re: Desperate Gods: The Virtual Board Game

Postby Doc 42 » Sun Nov 25, 2012 3:23 pm

It should be noted that in the second game, I had two of the god power swords.
And also, emphasis should have been put on when, after I had been betrayed and brought low by my 'companions' I was able to mind control CS and have him fight TT, resulting in the loss of all their weapons, and CS's life. A good day was had by all!
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