Robert Muldoon's Guide to Caring for a Dinosaur version 2.0

Have you got a game, book or movie you'd like to make a story out of? Want to expand on a story or plot that stopped? Have an original idea for a story that you want to post somewhere? Here's where to do it. Basically an RPG where one player controls ALL characters in the story.

Robert Muldoon's Guide to Caring for a Dinosaur version 2.0

Postby LV-426 » Wed Jun 22, 2011 6:00 am

The following book was written while Robert was drunk so please excuse the harsh language- John Hammond

Chapter 1
You are an Idiot

If you are reading this you are either extremely stupid or a rich dumb *** (so what if you aren't rich sue me you *******). So you want to own a dinosaur, well whoop dee freaking due. You are just like that rich old fart Hammond. You rich people are all the same, anyway back on subject. So i'm guessing you have seen what John Hammond has done at Jurassic Park. Ah John Hammond the rich old fart who is currently sitting on a pile of money wearing a white suit like he's some escaped mental patient. So now you want to own one of these little abominations, excuse me beautiful creatures. Well old Robert Muldoon the sexy game keeper will show you rich ******** how to care for one of these little *******.

Chapter 2
Your ******

In the simplest terms your ******. Dinosaurs are nasty little buggers who will gladly tear your balls off and shove them down your throat. I mean I've seen some **** that would make you people piss yourselves in fear. We had a T rex who I fondly nicknamed Crusher that turned navy blue when he was pissed off, imagine that. Seeing a 20ft tall T rex turning navy blue when pissed off, thank god we found his weakness to be Celine Dion music. Apparently T rex's like the sound of My Heart Will Go On, go figure. See what genetic manipulation does? Anyway the moral is that if you have a pissed of T Rex just play some Celine Dion and you will be fine. Next chapter we shall discuss how to take care of Herbivores


Chapter 3
Herbivores

Ok so you saw some Brachiosaur s and you said to yourself I want one, well your an idiot. Herbivores are nothing but dung producing, stupid oversized cows who crap all over your nice Persian carpeting. Anyway here's the basic information you'll need to know.

Diet: Seriously you just asked what they eat? It's in the name *******.

Mating: There's nothing more horrific then the sight of two Brachiosaurus making sweet love. I don't know how Garry puts up with it. I lost a rather expensive lunch that day.

Living Space: Anywhere big enough so they can eat and crap.
Last edited by LV-426 on Wed Jun 22, 2011 5:18 pm, edited 1 time in total.
Get away from her you *****
Game Over Man, Game Over
Stay Frosty
Were in the pipe five by five
They Mostly Come at Night Mostly

Aliens the most quotable movie Ever
User avatar
LV-426
Praying Mantis
Praying Mantis
 
Posts: 741
Joined: Mon Jun 29, 2009 9:16 pm
Location: The Nostromo

Re: Robert Muldoon's Guide to Caring for a Dinosaur version

Postby Godzilla Forever » Wed Jun 22, 2011 3:55 pm

Haha, everyone loves Celine Dion music, even the tyrant king of Isla Sorna!
"If none can know what lies ahead, then losing one's way is just human nature."~ Yoshimitsu

"Would you hear my desire? To take this foul blade, and use it to blot out the light forever!" ~ Ganondorf
User avatar
Godzilla Forever
Leviathan
Leviathan
 
Posts: 14715
Joined: Sat Sep 05, 2009 3:19 am
Location: In San Fransisco defeating the MUTOs.

Re: Robert Muldoon's Guide to Caring for a Dinosaur version

Postby Galaxia » Wed Jun 22, 2011 4:20 pm

Hey I'd buy it if I saw it in stores
Image
User avatar
Galaxia
Dilophosaurus
Dilophosaurus
 
Posts: 1406
Joined: Sat Jan 29, 2011 5:47 pm
Location: UK


Return to Single Writer Fiction

Who is online

Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 4 guests

cron