by Hopeflower » Sat Oct 08, 2016 2:00 am
The walk to the school was not a long one, but it was cold and decidedly quiet with so many people sleeping in or battling hangovers. Arsenic appreciated that - it gave him some time to think. By the time he reached the seventh floor, he was reasonably sure of how he wanted the conversation to go. However, being forced to confront the fact that he didn't know his father left him with the uncomfortable understanding that he had no idea how to talk to Viho amicably.
So when the psychomancy instructor looked up and seemed surprised to see Arsenic standing in the doorway, Arsenic quickly decided that no, this probably wasn't going to go at all the way he'd imagined it would.
Awkwardly, unable to look at Viho, the mute offered, 'We never finished our talk.'
"So we didn't," Viho agreed after a short but pregnant pause. He set aside the lesson plan he was going over and laced his fingers, resting his hands on the desk. "There is...little left to say about my absence from your life, however. I could make my excuses, but I expect you don't want to hear them."
'I don't,' Arsenic confirmed, more sharply than he intended. He winced, coughed to clear his throat, and raked his fingers through his hair. 'I mean - '
"I know."
'I didn't...come to fight.'
Viho merely tilted his head, waiting for Arsenic to collect his thoughts. The silence stretched, painful and awkward, until Arsenic spoke again.
'You said mom would have been proud of me.'
"I did," Viho agreed quietly, "and I stand by it."
Arsenic took a few steps farther into the room, folding his arms over his chest and setting his jaw. 'I've killed more people than I care to count. I spent seventeen years waiting for the day when I could put an arrow through your chest. That's not what she would have wanted for me.'
Viho leaned forward to rest his weight on his elbows. "Arsenic," he began, and something in his tone made his son finally look at him, "your mother was a wonderful woman. One of the things that made her who she was was her ability to look at people and understand their flaws. She could do that because she accepted that she was flawed, herself, and strove to do better." Seeing that Arsenic didn't quite understand yet, Viho pressed gently, "Are you not trying to better yourself, too?"
Arsenic didn't answer, but there was a tensing of his shoulders that told Viho he wasn't far off the mark. It wasn't much of a stretch. He was, after all, still breathing.
"Then she would be proud of you," the older psychomancer stated simply.
'I don't see how,' Arsenic muttered. 'I wouldn't have ever considered...' he trailed off, jaw tightening further as though he thought he'd said too much.
Viho waited, but his son didn't continue. "We can't know what might have been," he reminded them both. "Only what is. We have both made our mistakes. We can let them drag us down and kill us, or we can learn from them."
When the hell did you learn how to be a father? Arsenic wondered, but didn't ask. He'd heard enough fatherly talks, seen enough memories of them, to know that this felt awfully close to one. The first one he could remember getting from Viho. This was...unexpected. And not enough to undo half a lifetime's worth of damage. He hadn't really expected that it would be.
Maybe, though, it could be a start. One of those many, many things that had no guarantee of working out, but a start nonetheless.
Arsenic left Viho to get back to work shortly after that, not sure if this was a good thing he was doing or not.
"Gotta have a little sadness once in a while so you know when the good times come."
"Talent is a pursued interest. In other words, anything that you're willing to practice, you can do." ~ Bob Ross
"The future is always uncertain and painful but it must be lived." ~ Unknown